- What if I can't deal with the crying?
- What if I can't breastfeed?
- What if he has colic?
- What if I drop him?
- What if he gets bullied in middle school?
- What if he's the bully?
- What if he gets some girl pregnant when he's 16?
- What if we can't afford college?
Regardless of all that, I have five (or fewer) weeks to figure out at least some of it. And my e-mail newsletter from Fit Pregnancy tells me:
At more than five pounds and between sixteen and twenty inches, your baby is becoming more ready for birth with every passing hour. She's the size of a small roasting chicken [again with the food comparisons]. Her nervous system and immune system are still maturing, and she's adding the fat that she'll need to regulate her body temperature. But, everything else, from her toenails to the hair on her head, is fully formed. If she were born now, she'd have more than a ninety-nine percent chance of surviving.
A 99 percent chance of surviving is pretty good. They obviously don't take into consideration the possibility of me dropping him.
As for myself, eight hours of sleep is a distant memory. If I'm not getting up every two hours to pee, I'm waking up to change positions because my hips are aching or my hands have fallen asleep or Baby is doing acrobatics. I am now convinced that lack of sleep now -- while seemingly unfair -- is preparing me for getting up every two hours to feed Baby once he's born.
At least then he won't be kicking me in the ribs or jumping on my bladder while I'm trying to get some sleep.
*Five - a cardinal number, four plus one; the number of weeks left in my pregnancy
I find the roasting chicken comparison to be especially disturbing. I'm not sure why.
ReplyDeleteAs for the other stuff, you'll work it out day by day. It's a hard job, but it's pretty rewarding. :)
@Heather, I agree about the roasting chicken. It's weird and creepy.
ReplyDeleteYou'll figure out some of it before he's born; much of it you'll never figure out. That's the way parenting is -- you just do the best you can, never knowing what the REAL answer is because we all make our own REAL, our own answers. Except when it comes to roasting chickens and roasting babies ... There is a real answer on that and it's to never, ever, ever confuse the two.
ReplyDeleteI love imagining delicious recipes for my children. Roasted Abigail tenderloin medallions in a merlot cream sauce. Sherry marinated Braeden Kabobs. Coming to dinner soon?
ReplyDeleteOkay, this really goes without saying, and you'll either think me pretentious or helpful, but I'm going to take a risk here and address your 'what ifs' as follows:
* What if I can't deal with the crying?
You certainly will have times when you feel you can't. Count on it. You will get through it.
* What if I can't breastfeed?
You will do what you need to do to feed your baby, and you will get through it.
* What if he has colic?
You will both cry a lot for about 4 months, but you will get through it.
* What if I drop him?
If it's from less than 3 feet up, and he's conscious and reactive, don't tell anybody.
* What if he gets bullied in middle school?
You'll kick a middle schooler's ass.
* What if he's the bully?
You'll kick his ass.
* What if he gets some girl pregnant when he's 16?
You'll kick his ass again, then be a wonderful grandma!
* What if we can't afford college?
He will get loans and really obscure minority scholarships.
I apologize if going through this makes me seem like I pretentiously have all the answers. Still, everybody is going to tell you how to raise your kid, so you might as well start getting used to ignoring it now.
xoxoxo