2 years

Dear Milo,

Happy birthday, my wonderful boy! It's hard to believe you joined our world just two years ago. My, how the time has flown.

Birthday cake!

 Sometimes the world is a scary ugly place (like the incident at the Boston Marathon), but when I look at you, life makes sense. You make everything better. I never knew I could love someone with such intensity and selflessness. In fact, I never knew I could be selfless at all. But I would give you anything I have to give.

You are smart and cute and you have an amazing sense of humor for such a small person. You make me laugh all the time. Over the past two years, I have written you monthly letters to mark your milestones. Looking back through those letters and all the photos I have taken, I am so proud of you. I'm so proud to be your mom.

Swinging with Dada at The Little Gym

We threw you a big party at The Little Gym, with lots of kids and grown ups. Everyone had a good time. Your Aunt D came from Kansas to spend time with you, and you learned to call her DeeDee instead of "uncle." You showed off your letter-reading skills and let her spoil you rotten. You got lots of great presents and had some yummy cake. But I don't think birthdays mean a whole lot to you yet. You're just happy to have lots of toys to play with and new books to read. All the great clothes Aunt DeeDee got you mean more to me -- you won't have to go naked this summer.

My first glimpse of you

I often feel like the day you were born was the day my real life started, like everything before that was just practice. I spent a lot of years not knowing I wanted you. Now that you're here, I can't imagine life without you.

We have a lot of adventures to take together. I look forward to them all. Happy birthday, Milo. I love you more than words can ever express.

Love,
Mama

Daddy Talk: My Son

After what happened Friday in Connecticut, I haven't really had much of anything else running through my mind. I look at my son and still can't imagine something like that happening to our little family.  It's brought up so many feelings, emotions and thoughts that I don't know if I will ever square them with what happened. I'm glad that I don't have to explain this to Milo right now. If he was old enough to ask questions about this, what is a reasonable response?

In memory:
Charlotte Bacon
Daniel Barden
Rachel Davino
Olivia Engel
Josephine Gay
Ana M. Marquez-Greene
Dylan Hockley
Dawn Hochsprung
Madeleine F. Hsu
Catherine V. Hubbard
Chase Kowalski
Nancy Lanza
Jesse Lewis
James Mattioli
Grace McDonnell
Anne Marie Murphy
Emilie Parker
Jack Pinto
Noah Pozner
Caroline Previdi
Jessica Rekos
Avielle Richman
Lauren Rousseau
Mary Sherlach
Victoria Soto
Benjamin Wheeler
Allison N. Wyatt

Because ...

Dear Milo,

I'm writing to you today, not because you're X number of months old, but because I want you to know something. I want you to know the world isn't a terrible place. I know there will be times in your life (much like this summer has been) where the world seems to be filled with chaos and hate. Still, despite the acts of horror committed by mad men, despite the havoc wreaked by Mother Nature, despite unkind words spoken without thought, the world is amazing.

 
You, my beautiful son, are proof of that. The world is full of people who do good deeds and speak kind words and go out of their way to treat others with respect and love. Mother Nature produces beauty beyond measure. You are loved beyond words. I want to raise you in such a way that you will be able to find hope and beauty and love in the world no matter what. I don't want you to be a Pollyanna by any means. But I do want you to always search for that silver lining. There's nothing wrong with being a realist, but let's work really hard together to not be pessimists.

I love you. Carry that in your heart even when times are tough.

Love,
Mommy

15 months

Dear Milo,

Where the heck did this past month go? Since you've been born time seems to fly faster than ever, but the last four weeks went by in a blink.

We were far away from the recent wildfires, but we did have the smoke to deal with. You suffered a really runny nose. Which I attribute to the smoke. We kept the house closed as much as possible to try to not breathe it in, but with record high temperatures, it was hard. Our little room air conditioner worked as hard as it could just to keep us from suffering heat exhaustion.

You're pretty adaptable though. You didn't love being confined to one or two rooms in the house, but you didn't throw a fit about it. And you actually enjoyed hanging out in the AC at Grandma's.

Even though the fires were the big news in Colorado and nationwide, it wasn't a big deal to you. You were too busy playing with your trucks and trying out new words like "walk," "bump" and "go" and learning to sign "please" and "thank you." Saying, "please" and "thank you" were major accomplishments in my book. I do want you to be a polite boy.

You've had a couple of play dates with friends from The Little Gym, and I'm surprised at how different you sometimes act when you're playing one-on-one with another kid. You were a bit of a bully with one boy, even though at the gym you're either buddy-buddy with everyone or you keep to yourself. I think it's something we need to work on. I really don't want you to be a bully.

You're getting really good at feeding yourself with a spoon, especially yogurt and cottage cheese. You still make a bit of a mess but you usually get more in your mouth than you get on your head. You really want to do it yourself, and that's really cool.

In fact, pretty much everything you do is pretty cool. People who haven't seen you for a while are impressed with how well you get around and how big you've gotten. I'm impressed by you everyday. You're smart and super cute. And I'm so proud to be your mom.

I love you, Sweetness, with all my heart.

Love,
Mommy

Of helicopter parents and creepy picture books

Our town recently made news by canceling a local Easter egg hunt. This NPR story tells how aggressive parents "swarmed into the tiny park last year, determined that their kids get an egg." It goes on to say:

"Parenting observers cite the cancellation as a prime example of 'helicopter parents' — those who hover over their children and are involved in every aspect of their children's lives — sports, school, and increasingly work — to ensure that they don't fail, even at an Easter egg hunt."

I will admit it's sometimes hard to sit back and let Milo problem solve on his own. I've been working to let him do more on his own, as long as he won't get hurt. Even then, sometimes he has to fall on his own to figure out how to get up on his own. I'm sure I will at some point in his life be guilty of being a helicopter parent, but I'm going to work really hard not to do it too often.

Coincidentally, my good friend Lisa over at Grandma's Briefs wrote today about a favorite picture book --  Love You Forever by Robert Munsch. As Lisa tells us, in the story, "Mommy drives across town in the middle of the night, leans a ladder up to her son's bedroom window, and climbs the darn thing. She goes through the window into the bedroom, where she cuddles and rocks her sound-asleep man-sized boy."

Lisa reports that her grown daughter, now a mother herself, finds the book "creepy." Sure, the idea of someone climbing in my bedroom window definite creeps me out. But all in all, I think the story actually sounds sweet. I don't know what exactly raises the creepy flag for Lisa's daughter but I'm guessing it's the stalkerish mom's ultimate act of helicopter parenting.

Sometimes the best parenting is about being silly

Being an older mom, I'm not sure exactly which generation of parenting I fall under. I'm technically a Gen-Xer but because that generation spans such a range to include moms in their 20s, I'm not sure who I identify with.

Not all parents with young children are the same. I have read traditional books like "The Velveteen Rabbit" and brand-new things like "Goodnight, IPad" to Milo.

I believe that while it sucks, we all have to learn that sometimes life is just not fair. We all have to learn that lesson -- children and parents alike. Sometimes our kids are going to come in second (or last). Sometimes they aren't going to get an egg. That's life. And one day, even if we still consider him our baby, we have to realize that climbing into a grown son's window is decidedly creepy (even if it makes for a sweet picture book).

Damned if you do

Being a mommy (or daddy) is hard work. Making it even harder is the seemingly never-ending judgment we face. It seems like no matter what we do, someone is going to tell us we're doing it wrong.

And every time some new study comes out, I worry that I've ruined my baby for life. The latest study (I've read) "suggests babies might get health benefits from skipping spoon-fed purées, and going straight to feeding themselves with finger foods."

Among those benefits is that the self-fed babies "may be more accustomed to a range of healthy, nutritious foods that are intact, instead of masked as purées, which could influence their preferences."

Milo eats both purées and finger foods. And I don't force him to eat more than he wants (as the study suggests regarding spoon-fed babies). He lets me know when he doesn't want more food.

And he'll feed himself if he wants to!

 The worst part of this story (besides my worry that I've ruined my baby) are the comments on Facebook for this story. (Interestingly, the comments [so far] at Parents.com are not as judgmental.) Why are mommies so Us vs Them when it comes to raising our children? Breast vs bottle, cloth vs disposable, stay-at-home vs working outside the home, spoon-fed vs self-led.

So, not only are parents (especially moms) being told we might be doing it wrong by the so-called experts, we're telling each other we're doing it wrong.

I'll admit I some times judge other moms (especially the ones who've already lost all their baby weight!) but I try really hard to keep it to myself. And I certainly don't get (nearly) fanatical on Web sites. Unless parents are purposefully harming or neglecting their child, they're probably doing the best they can.

Being a parent a tough job. We shouldn't make it tougher on ourselves and each other.

Age ain't nothing but a number

This article from Parenting.com contains some awesome news for someone like me:

"A recent study shows that women over 40 who have babies without help from fertility drugs or other assisted reproductive technologies tend to live longer than those who don't. Why? One theory is that estrogen, which is still produced in abundance in fertile women, has life-lengthening effects on the heart, bones, and other organs."

The article talks about the downside of being over 40 and pregnant, too, such as the fact that fatigue is more pronounced in older moms-to-be than younger ones. And "babies born to women in their 40s are also more likely to have lower birth weights (under 5 1/2 pounds)."

I know that my fitness level at the time I got pregnant has contributed greatly to how my pregnancy has progressed. I know that I was in a lot better shape -- both physically and emotionally -- at the time I got pregnant than I was 10 years ago. (I was also in an unhealthy relationship 10 years ago, but that's a story for another time.)

The news about living longer makes me happy mostly because I want to be around for my baby's milestones as he ages. I will continue to work out and take care of myself -- and encourage the S.O. to do so, as well -- because we both know the pain of losing a parent too soon. Although, are we ever really ready for that?

Incompetent*

I came across this story this week: Breastfeeding Women Viewed as Less Competent. Less competent at what? you might ask. Apparently, according to this study, almost everything.

As someone who plans to breastfeed her baby, I'm shocked. So, the studies tell me my baby will be smarter if I breastfeed him but I'll appear dumber. Is there no way for a mom to win?

“A woman may not breastfeed because of worry over how she will be evaluated by other people,” the researchers conclude. “Data from the current project suggest this worry may be warranted, to the extent that breastfeeding is a devalued social category.”

I shouldn't be surprised by how judgmental we all are -- to ourselves, to each other. But it's sad that babies may not get what's nutritionally best for them not because moms have health issues or because the babies can't latch on, but simply because women are afraid -- with just cause -- of how they'll be viewed.

*Incompetent - not competent; lacking qualification or ability; incapable

Just don't call me late for dinner

Did you hear about the woman who is letting Facebook name her baby? 

If Alpinelli allows FabFind to help name her child via Facebook, the mom will receive a year of free deals, an estimated $40,000 value. FabFind even made a custom app where people can submit names and vote for their faves.

OK. I'll admit $40,000 worth of loot is pretty tempting, and the leading names are not awful (Aria, Melania and Sophia). Still, I'm just not sure it's worth it. What if the winning name was Rover or Miss Poopy Pants? (According to this story, the parents have to prove they actually used the winning name. The same story mentions that other names in the top 10 included Parsia, Eudaimonia and Fabricia.) That's pretty scary stuff to saddle your child with, in my very humble opinion.

Of course, I say this as someone who has NOT been offered 40 grand to let others name my baby. So, easy for me to say I wouldn't do it.

The S.O. has some Native American blood, and it gets me thinking about how some cultures don't name babies until they've earned a name. In which case, Mr. Poopy Pants may not be so far off the mark.

What do you think? Would you sell the right to name your baby?

In the news

Wow. The S.O. sent me a link this morning to a BBC News Health story about pregnancy and alcohol. According to the story, "Drinking one or two units of alcohol a week during pregnancy does not raise the risk of developmental problems in the child, a study has suggested."

It goes on to say, "Children born to light drinkers appeared slightly less likely to suffer behavioural problems, and scored higher on cognitive tests, compared with women who stopped during pregnancy."

Considering that most of the news that comes out about pregnant women is all doom and gloom, this was kind of a refreshing change. Granted the story also says, "Official advice remains that women abstain completely during pregnancy." And I don't plan to imbibe unless my doctor tells me I should (not can, should). Still, it's nice to read some news about pregnancy that doesn't lay a huge guilt trip on mom.