A Month of Gratitude: Day 10

I am grateful to have had the mom I had. I miss her constantly and wish she could have met Milo. I wish Milo could have known her the way my nieces and nephews did. Still, I'm grateful for the time I had with her. I am grateful for the things she taught me about being a mom. I am grateful for the things I learned just from knowing her and watching her. I am grateful for the how she raised my brothers and me -- the values she instilled in us. I am grateful I had her as a role model for the kind of mom I want to be.

Mom and the S.O. on my 40-something birthday

A Month of Gratitude: Day 7

I am grateful for my son, Milo. The so-called specialists told us I was too old to have a baby without IVF or some other medical intervention. Apparently, this boy was bound and determined to be a part of our lives.

He can be a challenge sometimes. The time change has been especially challenging. And lately, he has decided to only eat cereal, bread, pickles and peanut butter. He can try my patience some days. And he often has way too much energy for this 40-something mom. But he is a joy to me and does something every single day that makes me so thankful to have him.

When I was younger, I wasn't sure I wanted to be a mom. But now that I am one, I'm so grateful that I get to be Milo's mom.

A Month of Gratitude: Day 5

I am grateful for the S.O. I may not always show my appreciation, but I am so thankful to have him in my life. He is a good father and provider. He does a lot for others. And he can make me laugh -- even when I don't want to. I love him.

Happy Halloween

My boy is getting to be really independent. This is probably the last Halloween I'll be able to dress him in a costume of my choosing. I suspect next year he'll want to dress up as a superhero or Thomas the train or something worse. And it won't be long before he won't want Mom and Dad dressing up with him.

Until then, I will enjoy how cute he looks for his first three Halloweens.

First Halloween: Baby Spock

Second Halloween: Raccoon (or My Neighbor Totoro)

This Halloween: Robot

Have a spooky but safe Halloween, everybody!

Pride and Joy

Several times over the past couple of weeks, the folks at VillaKids (my gym's kids' club/day care) have told me Milo earned a star and a treat for being a good helper. They tell me he is quiet and well behaved. My initial reaction is, "Well, of course he is." On the heels of that comes the reaction of, "Wait. You mean MY Milo?" They tell me he is such a good boy, they wish all their 2-year-olds were like him. Again, I have to wonder where that kid goes when they bring my kid out to me.

First of all, I'm so proud of him for being well-behaved and helpful. And I'm really happy that he is good for them. I wouldn't want him to be the kid that makes people cringe. And he isn't a bad kid at home. He's actually pretty well behaved most of the time. But when he isn't. Well, let's just say he can be challenging, energetic and a little bit deaf, I think. Really, how many times can you say no to a kid and he just ignores you?

My mom used to tell me that my brother's teachers would tell her how polite and well-behaved he was -- at school. At home he was a holy terror. I know. I lived with him. (Those of you close to me know which brother I mean.) Milo is nowhere near that bad. Maybe because he doesn't have brothers and a sister to tease constantly. My brother grew up to be a responsible adult, a good husband and father. So I guess it all works out in the end.

And I know, for every 5:30 a.m. wake-up call from my boy, for every gallon of water splashed out of the tub, for every random toy chucked at my head -- or the dog -- there is a hug, a kiss, a "Hi, Mama" that melts my heart and reminds me that he is my pride and joy.

But maybe he could save some of the quiet for home too.

Friday Flashback

Look at these little ones from Milo's first birthday party.

Milo

Caden

Kaylee

Robbie

Darian

Abi and Braeden

The same kids a year later, at Milo's second birthday party.

Milo

Caden

Kaylee

Robbie

Darian

Abi

Braeden

2 years

Dear Milo,

Happy birthday, my wonderful boy! It's hard to believe you joined our world just two years ago. My, how the time has flown.

Birthday cake!

 Sometimes the world is a scary ugly place (like the incident at the Boston Marathon), but when I look at you, life makes sense. You make everything better. I never knew I could love someone with such intensity and selflessness. In fact, I never knew I could be selfless at all. But I would give you anything I have to give.

You are smart and cute and you have an amazing sense of humor for such a small person. You make me laugh all the time. Over the past two years, I have written you monthly letters to mark your milestones. Looking back through those letters and all the photos I have taken, I am so proud of you. I'm so proud to be your mom.

Swinging with Dada at The Little Gym

We threw you a big party at The Little Gym, with lots of kids and grown ups. Everyone had a good time. Your Aunt D came from Kansas to spend time with you, and you learned to call her DeeDee instead of "uncle." You showed off your letter-reading skills and let her spoil you rotten. You got lots of great presents and had some yummy cake. But I don't think birthdays mean a whole lot to you yet. You're just happy to have lots of toys to play with and new books to read. All the great clothes Aunt DeeDee got you mean more to me -- you won't have to go naked this summer.

My first glimpse of you

I often feel like the day you were born was the day my real life started, like everything before that was just practice. I spent a lot of years not knowing I wanted you. Now that you're here, I can't imagine life without you.

We have a lot of adventures to take together. I look forward to them all. Happy birthday, Milo. I love you more than words can ever express.

Love,
Mama

One-Word Wednesday

Pinecone

Daddy Talk: Health wise

It always seems to happen around my birthday, something to remind me I am getting older. This year it was popping a rib during a deep breath. It eventually got mostly back into place, but during the visits to the doctor my blood pressure was much higher than usual. I usually have borderline high blood pressure. Somewhere near 125/85 is my average. But during that time, it was 150/110. Besides being a bit upset with my doctor for saying these things just happen, I was really worried.

I feel the aches and pains of getting older. I get hurt, and things heal just a little slower. I know it's nothing different than anybody else but I get more worried.

My dad passed away at 52. He was what would be considered a train wreck of problems: heart and lung problems, diabetes, Rheumatoid Arthritis, chronic infections, amputations. I think that covers it. It's a laundry list of things. Most of those I think I can avoid because I don't smoke and try to keep in shape but I still worry what's in store for myself and Milo.

I definitely worry about passing on something genetic. I hope the boy doesn't end up with the high blood pressure or the arthritis. I also really want to be around to see him grow up. If something were to happen when I'm 52, he'd only be 17. I don't want him losing his dad or being trapped by trying to be around to help his sick dad.

Friday Flashback

Milo and I are going to the zoo today with some friends. I think Milo will enjoy it a lot more than he did the first time we went.

 

He may not have gotten much out of the zoo, but at least it was relaxing.

One-Word Wednesday

Excited!

Happy Easter

Enjoy this season of new beginnings.

Friday Flashback

My little Easter egg hunter, shortly before his first birthday last year.

A Quick Guide to Milospeak

Milo's vocabulary improves all the time. He has plenty of words that even people who aren't the parents of toddlers can understand. Some things he says are easy to understand, but may not mean exactly what you might think at first. And some of his "words" or phrases take a little more detective work to understand. There are even a few that I haven't figured out yet (and may never).
 

 The following are words and phrases that I find funny, cute and/or mind-boggling.

Apee: Airplane


Aw doo (drawn out): All aboard! (It's what the conductor says.)

Big car: Truck, especially garbage truck

Boo choo choo (while playing with a train simulator on my smart phone): ?  I thought it was "blue choo choo." But when I'd change the engine to blue, I got a resounding "No!" It might be "blow choo choo," as in blow the train horn, but I don't really think so.

Bo nigh: ? Again, I have no idea. It was said while looking at the train simulator, but also once while going down the stairs. It either morphed into boo choo choo or he gave up on it.

Bubu: Builder or bulldozer, possibly Bob the Builder, said when we see construction vehicles.

Cu-cucka: Time tunnel (from "Dinosaur Train"), said when going under an overpass or overhead traffic signals or other random overhead objects

Cuckoo: Cookie

Dingo: Ding dong, meaning the doorbell

Dough: Door, as in "Open the cabinet/refrigerator door so I can get something to eat."

Go: Yes (but also "Go," as in "Damn the red light. Get this car moving, Mama!")

Ice or Ides: Outside

Meemo (sometimes meebo): Hippo, also some stuffed animals that aren't hippos

Meese (accompanied by the sign language for it): Please

Mo: More

Moo (when not talking about a cow): Move

Mymo: Milo - often used to express pride, as in "look what Milo did!"

T.T.: TV specifically "Timmy Time"

Mostly Wordless Wednesday

"Night night."

Friday Flashback

Milo was jaundiced when he was born -- apparently a fairly common occurrence in Colorado. ("In Colorado babies are 39 percent more likely to have newborn jaundice compared to newborns born at sea level.") He slept in a light bed at the hospital. We called him our little Tron baby.

23 months

Dear Milo,

You are 23 months old today. Sometimes the past almost two years seems like they've flown by, other times it feels like a lifetime.

You seem to change and grow every single day. You are getting to be such a big boy, and it's often hard to remember how little you were not so very long ago. Because, really 23 months isn't such a long time (even though for you, it's been a lifetime). Thank goodness for all the pictures we've taken.

You, just a few hours old

You took your first plane ride this month -- and your first vacation that didn't involve staying at a relative's house. It was all pretty exciting.

As you can plainly see.

I was pretty nervous at the prospect of flying with a toddler, but you were a champ. You were well-behaved, then just took a nice long nap.

We went to San Diego to enjoy some sun and surf. We took you to the zoo and some museums -- and, of course, the beach. You and Daddy ended up with colds so we didn't do as much as we might have, but we had a really great time.

You got to meet one of Daddy's cousins, and I think she was quite taken with you, even though you slept through a lot of our outing with her.

You're kind of obsessed with trains at the moment. I don't expect that to go away any time soon. You also really like hippos (or as you call them "meebos") right now which really makes me smile. Because I have a bit of an obsession with them.

You've started calling me "Mom" sometimes. I'm not sure if you're switching to that or if you just get lazy and don't want to pronounce the second part of "Mama." Either way, I don't think I like it. It's too grown up. You are trying out new words all the time. But when you don't know a word, you just kind of babble something. At the zoo, "Bye bye, turblabla" to the tortoises. It's really cute though.

You do so many cute things that you know are cute. You lay down, pretend to snore, then pop up and say, "Oh. Hi." It's just too cute. You are also requesting certain songs to be sung, including "ABDD" and "Up Above," as well as "Itsy Bitsy Spider."

I think you are the cutest thing in the world. When someone else tells me you're handsome or cute or adorable, I can feel my chest swell with pride. At the airport, you were reading letters out loud and a lady heard you -- a retired teacher, no less -- and commented on how impressive it was for your age. I just about burst from the pride I felt.

It's actually kind of surprising that I don't just explode from all the pride and love and joy I feel just having you in my life. The fact that you're smart and beautiful is just icing on the cake. Which you're also kind of obsessed with right now.

I love you, my smart, beautiful, wonderful son.

Love,
Mama

22 months

Dear Milo,

It's been 22 months since you were born. Sometimes it feels like you've been in my life forever. I lived a long time before you were born but doesn't always feel that way. For instance, when I think about your daddy's and my trip to Hawaii, I'll sometimes forget that you were only there in my tummy. And really, just barely there. A tiny little bump.

But you're the biggest -- best -- part of my life now so it's hard to remember when you weren't around. It's even hard sometimes to remember what it was like before you were running around, climbing onto the chairs and table, saying, "Go" for "yes," calling people by their names (or a close approximation of it) and actually reading letters of the alphabet when I point them out to you.

That last one amazes me the most. You know A, B, D, E, I, K, O, M, R, X, Y and Z. You don't always want to read them to me but I know that you recognize those letters on a regular basis. I'm just positive I have a genius in the making.

I know there have been a few days recently when I have been less that patient with you. I'm not sure if it's the time of year or what, but I know I have. I don't like being that way, especially with you. I have snapped at you a couple of times and, as soon as it happens, I feel terrible. I've been trying to take deep breaths when I feel cranky. And I've been trying to teach you to take deep breaths as well, with less than stellar results. You can really throw a fit when you want to.

You can also be extremely sweet. Just yesterday, you did one of the sweetest things ever -- right on the heels of headbutting me, that is. I was holding you, singing the alphabet, while you headbutted me to each letter. Suddenly, you stopped and pushed my bangs out of my eyes, gave me the sweetest smile, then snuggled against my shoulder. It was awesome.

Most of what you do is pretty awesome, but that was really, really awesome. As I've said many times, you amaze me every day. I love you very much, my little man.

Love,
Mama

Ch-ch-changes

The more things change ...

Bath time February 2013

the more they stay the same.

Bath time February 2012

Happy Monday!

What I wish

Dear Milo,

I'm writing to you because your Grandma Louise passed away five years ago today and I wanted to say a few words to you about her. It's been hard living without her. And I wish she had gotten to meet you. And I wish you had gotten to know her and spend time with her. She would have spoiled you rotten.

Grandma Louise with your cousins Heather and Spencer

One day, you will have to ask your cousins about Grandma Louise. I'm sure they will have fun stories to share.

Grandma was a great mom. She did crafts with me and your uncles. She led my Brownies and their Cub Scouts. She let our friends come and play. She made us treats of all kinds when we had play dates and sleepovers. She made these amazing birthday cakes for us and played board games.

But she didn't let us get away with foolishness. Although, I'm pretty sure she let her grandkids get away with a lot more than she would have put up with from her own children. But that's OK. Grandmas are supposed to do that. I bet you would have gotten away with way more than I ever did. (Don't tell your cousins, but I think you would have been her favorite.)

How could you not be?

It may sound silly, but I think she's looking out for us still. I wasn't supposed to be able to have you, yet here you are -- beautiful and perfect. She must have had some say in that. She created so many beautiful things when she was alive, from her own children (yes, I include myself in that because I think I turned out OK) to crafts and cakes and memories. 

You will never want for love, my wonderful son, because Grandma Louise left you terrific uncles and cousins -- as well as in-laws and your own parents -- who were influenced by our love for this wonderful woman.

I wish you could have met her in person. At least I know that you will know her because she left such a lasting impression on all of us who did meet her and who love her dearly still.

She will always be in your heart, Sweetness, because she loves you, even though you never met.

Love,

Mama