40-something, schmorty-something

As a 40-something mom of a 2-year-old, I sometimes worry that people will think I'm Milo's grandma. Some days are definitely better than others. I know it's vanity that makes me want to look younger than my 40-something years, but something deeper than vanity makes me want to feel younger.

Backyard bubbles

I suppose every mother worries about not being around for her child -- heck, I'm sure fathers feel that too -- but when you start out later than lots of other moms, you probably worry more. My family has mixed results when it comes to longevity. My paternal grandpa lived to be 98. My paternal grandma was in her mid-80s, having fought Parkinson's disease for many, many years. My mother's parents were both in their 70s, and Mom was just 70 when we lost her.

Active Mom does active stuff (at Milo's birthday party).

I try really hard to eat right (ish) and exercise on a regular basis. All with the hopes of living long enough to see grandchildren one day. Yes, I know he's only 2 and I don't want him to be a teenage father. So, I'll have to live well into my 90s to get the most out of grandparenthood. And I'll need to keep active so my grandkids don't remember me as tottering (or worse, invalid) old Grandma Pammeey. I also want Milo to remember his childhood as active, with a youthful-seeming mom.

It would be great to look like a 30-something mom, but the more important objective for me is to act and feel like a much younger person. Lucky for me, my high-energy toddler keeps me active, and I have a really good gym membership. And, in 30 or so years, I hope I can be an active granny too.

You might be a 40-Something First Timer ...

if you had to get new reading glasses but you worry about looking old.

I'm trying really hard to look geek-chic -- not sure how I'm doing at that. Although I know there are very cool, hip, young grandmas out there, I don't want to be mistaken for Milo's grandma.

So, I guess I should say, you might be a 40-Something First Timer if you're really vain.

Age ain't nothing but a number

This article from Parenting.com contains some awesome news for someone like me:

"A recent study shows that women over 40 who have babies without help from fertility drugs or other assisted reproductive technologies tend to live longer than those who don't. Why? One theory is that estrogen, which is still produced in abundance in fertile women, has life-lengthening effects on the heart, bones, and other organs."

The article talks about the downside of being over 40 and pregnant, too, such as the fact that fatigue is more pronounced in older moms-to-be than younger ones. And "babies born to women in their 40s are also more likely to have lower birth weights (under 5 1/2 pounds)."

I know that my fitness level at the time I got pregnant has contributed greatly to how my pregnancy has progressed. I know that I was in a lot better shape -- both physically and emotionally -- at the time I got pregnant than I was 10 years ago. (I was also in an unhealthy relationship 10 years ago, but that's a story for another time.)

The news about living longer makes me happy mostly because I want to be around for my baby's milestones as he ages. I will continue to work out and take care of myself -- and encourage the S.O. to do so, as well -- because we both know the pain of losing a parent too soon. Although, are we ever really ready for that?

Does this make me grown up?

Yesterday, I had lunch with a friend I hadn't seen in months. It was the first time he's gotten to see the bump. (Which, by the way is fast leaving "bump" status. Photos coming soon.) My ever-expanding waistline elicited a "Wow" from my friend, who is used to seeing me as the ass-kicking workout queen I was when I got pregnant.

I asked him about work and his family, and we talked about my pregnancy. I've known this guy since he was 19 (he's several years younger than I am) and feel like I've seen him grow up. In the 10-plus years we've been friends, he has gone from a bit of a slacker to a businessman, husband and father.

Friends forever -- even if we have to grow up

"It's really strange that you're having a kid," he said to me. "It's like you're finally grown up."

I laugh at that because, as I said, he's much younger than I am -- about 14 years, but we've never really thought about our age difference. Maybe because he has done the grown-up things like pursuing his career, getting married, raising a baby. While I've been a laid-off, part-time blogger, starting over and just now pregnant.

I laugh, too, because it is strange that I'm having a kid. I certainly don't feel old enough to be a mom -- despite the medical community calling me "OLD" -- and I sometimes wonder if I am grown up enough to handle all the responsibility.

Then again, maybe my (mostly) youthful attitude will help me be a better mom. And I know I have the greatest friends who will berate help me to keep on track.

Finding inspiration

Most of the day -- and evening -- Saturday was spent at birthday parties. The S.O. and I went to a party for a 2-year-old and his 3-year-old cousin at 11 a.m. From there we went to a birthday party at a taekwondo center for a 10-year-old. In the evening, we went to a grown-up birthday party. It was a day of fun and junk food.

The best part for me is that two of the women we spent time with (the mother of the 2-year-old and the adult having the evening party) are good friends that also happen to be older new mommies. One had her son at 39, the other at 40. Even better is that they are both over-the-moon happy at being moms and don't feel their age is a hindrance.

I have to admit that there have been times when I thought being a older new mom wasn't the best thing in the world -- when I would think about how old I'll be when he graduates high school or when he'll make me a grandma (OK, that one I don't mind waiting for!). But after hanging out with these two amazing older new moms, I realize that none of us are that old. Not only are we not that old chronologically, but we are extremely young at heart. Plus, we all take good care of ourselves.

I didn't necessarily plan to have a baby at 43 but I think everything happens for a reason. I know that I never had the right partner before the S.O. I never had the right frame of mind before now. The thought of being a mom still sometimes scares me but not nearly the way it did 10 years ago -- even less so after seeing images of my wee one.