Daddy Talk: Family

I don't like my mother. There I said it. I love her, but I don't like her.

I moved my family in with my mother this past summer. I sold my house faster than expected with the plans to move into a job in Longmont or Oregon. Suffice it to say that I didn't get the job but pressed on with the house sale figuring it was time to get out of the neighborhood anyway and establish roots in a house for my family. I thought that it would be a good opportunity for Milo to bond with his grandmother because she really didn't come around, maybe five times in the two years of his life.  She did get a chance to spend more time with him but none of it turned out how I wanted. It was six months of staying with her and maybe a total of one month of good.

Some things I learned from this whole escapade was that sometimes crazy is just crazy. My mom has been unstable since as far back as I can remember. As long as I can remember she had bouts of manic behavior. Really happy in one instance and boatloads of angry and crazy in another. I always wished for some different behavior and continuously was surprised that the same old thing happened over and over. I was unlucky enough to have that growing up and I don't know why I wanted Milo to go through that.

I think my bonds with Pam and my family have improved because of this.

There were definitely hard times and angry words between us all but I hope we are all better now. What I really wanted was a family, a normal family. I love my aunts and uncles because they are a bond to my dad. I love the family that it all entails. I also love the family that Pam brings.

My Letter to Santa

Dear Santa,
        I think if you check your list (Go ahead. Check it again. I know you like to do that.) you'll find I've been nice this year.
        So, for Christmas, I want:

• Peace and ease for my loved ones who are dealing with conflict
• Health and comfort for friends who are sick and/or in pain
• Joy for those who despair

       And could you please deliver my love to all my friends and family far and wide?
       For myself -- besides the usual request for a convertible Mustang and various other frivolous trinkets -- please bring me a healthy son come April. Yes, I know April is more the realm of your long-eared, cotton-tail friend, but I'm pretty sure you can put in a good word for me.
        Merry Christmas, Santa!

Love, Pammeey

(the 40-Something First Timer)

I also have hopes

I know I mostly talk about how worried I am about this or that, but I have hopes, too. My Saturday was split between a morning workout event and an evening fund-raising event. And because this pregnant lady has a hard time functioning without her mid-afternoon nap, there wasn't much time in the day for doing fun Saturday kinds of things. Still, the S.O. and I did go to the library, followed by sitting in the sun outside Starbucks (decaf only for me, thanks) and browsing at the bike store.

That short -- yet enjoyable outing -- led me to think about some of the things I hope my baby-to-be gets from me.

I hope my baby enjoys books and reading as much as I do. The library is one of my very favorite places and has been for as long as I can remember. As an elementary-school student I helped shelve books after school, and I even did it for one summer "professionally." Yes, for a short time I got paid to look at books. I plan to read to baby from the time he or she is born.

I also hope my baby enjoys the outdoors as much as I do (to offset all those hours sitting around reading). In the bike store, I looked at a stroller/trailer combo that would allow me to walk/run with baby, as well as pull baby behind my bike. It also got me thinking about baby backpacks and slings (the ones to carry baby, not for baby to carry) for long walks and hiking. I want my baby to see the wonders of the outdoors and the joy of being active even before he or she can walk. I hope my baby is born healthy and am doing all I can now to make that happen. I also know I can contribute to how healthy he or she grows up to be.

I know we only have some control over our children and the way they grow up. But I hope I can set a good example in all the things I do.