Daddy Talk: Family

I don't like my mother. There I said it. I love her, but I don't like her.

I moved my family in with my mother this past summer. I sold my house faster than expected with the plans to move into a job in Longmont or Oregon. Suffice it to say that I didn't get the job but pressed on with the house sale figuring it was time to get out of the neighborhood anyway and establish roots in a house for my family. I thought that it would be a good opportunity for Milo to bond with his grandmother because she really didn't come around, maybe five times in the two years of his life.  She did get a chance to spend more time with him but none of it turned out how I wanted. It was six months of staying with her and maybe a total of one month of good.

Some things I learned from this whole escapade was that sometimes crazy is just crazy. My mom has been unstable since as far back as I can remember. As long as I can remember she had bouts of manic behavior. Really happy in one instance and boatloads of angry and crazy in another. I always wished for some different behavior and continuously was surprised that the same old thing happened over and over. I was unlucky enough to have that growing up and I don't know why I wanted Milo to go through that.

I think my bonds with Pam and my family have improved because of this.

There were definitely hard times and angry words between us all but I hope we are all better now. What I really wanted was a family, a normal family. I love my aunts and uncles because they are a bond to my dad. I love the family that it all entails. I also love the family that Pam brings.

Daddy Talk: Being a parent

Boys will be boys and boys will bang their heads. I have plenty of scars to prove it. Plenty on my body and plenty on my dome. I know that one of those was because my uncle was bouncing us on the bed. I know he didn't mean anything by it but I took a wrong bounce and put the back of my head into the dresser. Left a nasty gash that had to be stitched up. I know my uncle never really got over it, it still makes him sad to think about. I think at the time my dad was deployed to Germany so he missed out. I never got to ask him how he felt about it.

It was my turn just recently, although not directly. I let my boy toddle right into the corner of a sliding door. Man, there was blood everywhere or at least it seemed like it. In reality it was maybe a teaspoon. But it was dripping into his eye and I couldn't do anything about it. The boy took it so much better than Dad. I was ready to bolt to get something, anything to fix that boy's face. All the planning I did for emergencies went away just like that. I didn't have my trauma kit, not even a first aid kit. I looked around and all I saw were paper towels. I couldn't use that, I was about to rip off my shirt until Pam grabbed a cloth towel used for decoration. It stopped the bleeding or at least caught it.

Pam calmed me down a bit and we waited til the EMTs got there to assess the boy. Most of the crying was done by the boy right after it happened. After that he was more upset about us fussing over him. This being my first rodeo I didn't handle it like I wanted to. I was ready to get going and get him fixed but I wasn't at all calm and steady about it. I had to get something done, anything. I know that's normal and these things happen. I think I should be proud I didn't bolt and held my son without getting queasy. And I need to thank Pam because she was calm.

Daddy Talk: Scrapes and bruises

Your son is not an action figure.

That's the lesson I learned today when taking the boy to the park. It happened in slow motion but I still didn't have time to grab him before the trike turned over. As the boy was crying, I thought he was just scared and poo pooed Pam when she rushed to pick him up. Then I saw the bump on his head and realized I am a really bad dad. It was a superficial scrape on his head and he really was more scared than anything but it still bothered me that I was too slow to grab him before he hit the ground.

I know things happen and things will happen without much control and this is just a taste. That's little conciliation when one of those things happen and you were a part of it or at least a contributing factor.