A Month of Gratitude: Day 18

I am grateful for my gym and the time to go there.

I hurt my back at the very beginning of summer. It's been a long, slow recovery, and I still have to be careful of how much I do and how I do it. I have been getting to the gym about four or five days a week. It's great to feel almost normal again but I miss the classes I was taking. Still, I am grateful that I am able to work out at all. I'm glad I wasn't hurt so badly that I'm still laid up. I've been getting stronger and am starting to feel more like my pre-back-injury self.

The last few months have been stressful for several reasons. Having the gym to escape to has been wonderful. Milo gets time with friends. I get time to myself. And I've even made some gym friends at my aqua Zumba class.

I don't know if I'll ever get back to the fitness level I was before Milo came along but I sure appreciate the opportunity to try.

Friday Flashback

Two years ago, in one of my first posts on this blog, I wrote:

"The most frustrating thing of all, though, is the extreme drop in my energy level. Before I became pregnant, I was working out five or six days a week. I alternated kickboxing workouts with Boot Camp. I was doing all kinds of crazy moves, like push-ups with my toes on a stability ball. I'd crank out 12 or 15 reps, while the 20-somethings around me just gawked. Now, I'm lucky to do about 10 kneeling push-ups at a time. Still, I tell myself it's a good thing. I was in probably the best shape of my life before the pregnancy, so now my surplus energy is going to Nubbins. That way the nubs can become actual arms and legs and the tiny little brain stem can grow into a full-fledged brain."

Look at those nubs now!

Size 6 shoes!

Totally worth it.

Week 13: And I have nothing to wear

This week, according to Fit Pregnancy, my baby-to-be is 2 1/2 to 3 inches long or "the size of a medium goldfish." Now, all I can think about are Goldfish crackers. Great. Because with the decrease in nausea, my appetite has really increased. (Not that I'm thinking about eating babies, obviously!)

Some of my clothes are starting to get a little too snug. I am really not ready to buy any actual maternity clothes, though. So, maybe I just need to buy some yoga pants. They're nice and stretchy, right? Without looking baggy and sloppy.

Fit Pregnancy also tells me I'll have more energy. I have to call BS on that one. Maybe they don't mean those of us who are of "advanced maternal age." Because, whether it's my age or the change in the weather, I haven't felt any more energetic yet. In fact, I've been just as tired -- if not more -- than ever.

And just when I thought week 13 was going to be all peaches and cream, they tell me, "Your smell and taste aversions will probably stick with you for the rest of your pregnancy." So even thought I was hoping to go back to my pre-pregnancy eating habits, I probably won't be eating too many vegetables or fish -- except maybe Goldfish crackers, that is.

Embracing the frustration

As someone who has suffered a miscarriage and was told I wasn't likely to get pregnant without artificial assistance, I'm trying really hard to embrace all the symptoms of this pregnancy. That includes the morning sickness (I'd like to kick whoever named it "morning sickness" right in the throat. If it only came and lasted through the morning, it wouldn't be so bad.) and the fatigue.

The main problem is I'm not that much of a holistic, airy-fairy kind of person. I'm more a live-in-the-moment, kick-the-butt-of-anything-that-gets-in-my-way kind of gal. Obviously, that has to change with the coming of Nubbins (I'm stealing that name from my good friend Lisa over at Grandma's Briefs). Soon -- OK, now -- I have to think about the future and about someone other than myself and the S.O. And I really do need to learn to embrace the symptoms and see them as good things.

I've been lucky that the nausea hasn't led to vomiting -- I guess. But it has meant a change in my normally healthy-to-the-extreme style of eating. Where I used to love most vegetables, now only a few taste good. Lettuce pretty much made me gag. I'm eating lots of yogurt and other dairy, and fruit is OK. So I haven't started eating entire boxes of Oreos or having chili-cheese fries for breakfast, but I do crave ice cream a lot (hold the pickles and that silly stereotype).

The most frustrating thing of all, though, is the extreme drop in my energy level. Before I became pregnant, I was working out five or six days a week. I alternated kickboxing workouts with Boot Camp. I was doing all kinds of crazy moves, like push-ups with my toes on a stability ball. I'd crank out 12 or 15 reps, while the 20-somethings around me just gawked. Now, I'm lucky to do about 10 kneeling push-ups at a time. Still, I tell myself it's a good thing. I was in probably the best shape of my life before the pregnancy, so now my surplus energy is going to Nubbins. That way the nubs can become actual arms and legs and the tiny little brain stem can grow into a full-fledged brain.

And when he or she grows into a real-live person, it will have been worth it to miss out on my kickboxing and eat a few extra scoops of ice cream.