Embracing the frustration

As someone who has suffered a miscarriage and was told I wasn't likely to get pregnant without artificial assistance, I'm trying really hard to embrace all the symptoms of this pregnancy. That includes the morning sickness (I'd like to kick whoever named it "morning sickness" right in the throat. If it only came and lasted through the morning, it wouldn't be so bad.) and the fatigue.

The main problem is I'm not that much of a holistic, airy-fairy kind of person. I'm more a live-in-the-moment, kick-the-butt-of-anything-that-gets-in-my-way kind of gal. Obviously, that has to change with the coming of Nubbins (I'm stealing that name from my good friend Lisa over at Grandma's Briefs). Soon -- OK, now -- I have to think about the future and about someone other than myself and the S.O. And I really do need to learn to embrace the symptoms and see them as good things.

I've been lucky that the nausea hasn't led to vomiting -- I guess. But it has meant a change in my normally healthy-to-the-extreme style of eating. Where I used to love most vegetables, now only a few taste good. Lettuce pretty much made me gag. I'm eating lots of yogurt and other dairy, and fruit is OK. So I haven't started eating entire boxes of Oreos or having chili-cheese fries for breakfast, but I do crave ice cream a lot (hold the pickles and that silly stereotype).

The most frustrating thing of all, though, is the extreme drop in my energy level. Before I became pregnant, I was working out five or six days a week. I alternated kickboxing workouts with Boot Camp. I was doing all kinds of crazy moves, like push-ups with my toes on a stability ball. I'd crank out 12 or 15 reps, while the 20-somethings around me just gawked. Now, I'm lucky to do about 10 kneeling push-ups at a time. Still, I tell myself it's a good thing. I was in probably the best shape of my life before the pregnancy, so now my surplus energy is going to Nubbins. That way the nubs can become actual arms and legs and the tiny little brain stem can grow into a full-fledged brain.

And when he or she grows into a real-live person, it will have been worth it to miss out on my kickboxing and eat a few extra scoops of ice cream.