Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Spanking would hurt less

Yesterday, I read something that really bugged me. It was a blog post about mommy guilt -- but not the usual mommy guilt about kids watching TV or getting too much sugar or even sometimes just wanting time to oneself. No, this was mommy guilt brought on by something the writer said to her mother.

I don't want to link to the post because all the comments were very positive, so I'm probably the only person it bugged. But I'll give you the gist. The writer's mother was an immigrant from Hong Kong. She had a "demanding career" but still managed to be a good mom. That's not the part that bugged me. What bugged me is that mom very seldom raised her voice to her children in anger. No. Instead, she would "gently remind [them], 'Just remember, you'll be sorry when I'm gone...'"

The post continues with the writer recounting a situation where she "snaps" at her mother to not do something that makes the baby cry. The writer then feels guilty for it. The writer is so worried about the day her mother dies that she's consumed by guilt, even though she did nothing wrong.

The post stuck with me. I couldn't stop thinking about it. I'm sure the writer's mother is a great mother in most aspects, but I have a real problem with keeping your kids in line by telling them you'll be dead one day.

Part of why this bugged me so much is that when the S.O. was growing up, his mother would tell him she was going to die soon. (He tells me it's probably an Asian thing.) She's still alive, by the way.

The writer calls her mother "exceptional" and "self-sacrificing,"saying she realized, "not everyone is lucky enough to have the kind of mom that [she has]." It bugs me also, because my own mother was exceptional and self-sacrificing (as I think most mothers are, at least to a certain extent) and my mother would never have said something like that to her children. I can't stand the idea of a mother being so passive-aggressive and -- in my humble opinion -- mean.

I can't imagine myself using that kind of guilt to make Milo behave. It hurts me to think of him dwelling on me being gone. I know how it hurts to lose a mother too soon. And it breaks my heart for someone to hold that over a child's head.


  1. Gar. Guilt should never be used as a weapon against your children!

  2. hollyjordanaFebruary 28, 2012

    agreed! I've heard similar stories like that in the past and well, they rub me wrong as well. I hate guilt trips of any kind. And raising your child like that only leads to further issues down the road.

  3. How crazy. I've never heard of such a thing. Guilt is the worst. Ugh.