Spanking would hurt less

Yesterday, I read something that really bugged me. It was a blog post about mommy guilt -- but not the usual mommy guilt about kids watching TV or getting too much sugar or even sometimes just wanting time to oneself. No, this was mommy guilt brought on by something the writer said to her mother.

I don't want to link to the post because all the comments were very positive, so I'm probably the only person it bugged. But I'll give you the gist. The writer's mother was an immigrant from Hong Kong. She had a "demanding career" but still managed to be a good mom. That's not the part that bugged me. What bugged me is that mom very seldom raised her voice to her children in anger. No. Instead, she would "gently remind [them], 'Just remember, you'll be sorry when I'm gone...'"

The post continues with the writer recounting a situation where she "snaps" at her mother to not do something that makes the baby cry. The writer then feels guilty for it. The writer is so worried about the day her mother dies that she's consumed by guilt, even though she did nothing wrong.

The post stuck with me. I couldn't stop thinking about it. I'm sure the writer's mother is a great mother in most aspects, but I have a real problem with keeping your kids in line by telling them you'll be dead one day.

Part of why this bugged me so much is that when the S.O. was growing up, his mother would tell him she was going to die soon. (He tells me it's probably an Asian thing.) She's still alive, by the way.

The writer calls her mother "exceptional" and "self-sacrificing,"saying she realized, "not everyone is lucky enough to have the kind of mom that [she has]." It bugs me also, because my own mother was exceptional and self-sacrificing (as I think most mothers are, at least to a certain extent) and my mother would never have said something like that to her children. I can't stand the idea of a mother being so passive-aggressive and -- in my humble opinion -- mean.

I can't imagine myself using that kind of guilt to make Milo behave. It hurts me to think of him dwelling on me being gone. I know how it hurts to lose a mother too soon. And it breaks my heart for someone to hold that over a child's head.

Tuesday True Confessions

I have admitted before that I watch TV while breastfeeding Milo. And that is supposedly a No-No, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics.

In the February issue of "BabyTalk," there's a guide to the first 100 days of your baby's life. Once again, I'm told not to watch TV while feeding my baby.

"During those early weeks, you'll likely be feeding six to eight times a day whether by breast or bottle. Don't be tempted to fill it by streaming a season's worth of Glee or texting your BFF. Christine Wood M.D., a pediatrician and certified lactation educator from Encinitas, California, urges parents to take advantage of feeding time to bond with their babies."

The article goes on to quote a mother who says, "I realized I was the luckiest person in the family because I was the one who got to spend the most one-on-one time with him, gazing into his eyes."

Let me get this straight, the article tells me I'll feed my newborn six to eight times a day. In reality, Milo ate every two hours. So ... 12 times a day, multiplied by 20 to 45 minutes for each feeding ... doing the math ... I was supposed to spend upwards of nine hours a day "gazing into his eyes"? When his eyes were closed 90 percent of the time (at least).

Unfortunately, I don't remember where I saw this, but I have read that looking directly into your baby's eyes during those middle of the night feedings is akin to giving him a jolt of caffeine, conflicting with the above advice.

I know this is just one more way to pile on the Mommy Guilt. I'll freely admit I have a TV addiction. And yes, I worry that Milo gets too much (he points his toy remote at the TV and presses buttons). But I also know that I spend lots of time playing with him, reading to him, cuddling him and bonding with him. I think the simple act of breastfeeding is the greatest bonding act I could perform. It's kind of hard not to bond when another human is literally attached to you.

I don't watch as much TV while breastfeeding now because Milo is more attuned to it. (Buffy theme song?! Let me see!) But when he drifts off for a nap, you better believe I'm streaming reruns.

It's hard not to gaze into those eyes. But nine hours a day? Please.

Reality check

Lest you all think the life of the 40-Something First Timer is all sunshine and roses, I have to tell you that the past week has been pretty hard on my little family. Milo and I have had colds. Milo got a horrible, bleeding diaper rash. To top it off, he got his vaccinations and has had a fever. So, lots of tears, dirty diapers and lack of sleep.

Milo has been pretty clingy lately anyway but since he's been sick, I can barely put him down to go to the bathroom or write a short blog post. He naps, but only while I (or Daddy) hold him. I love him so much but I really need him to start feeling better soon.

It's really hard to type one handed. Plus, it breaks my heart to see him in pain.