For the weeks and months I've been a father I have had fears -- some mundane and quickly dismissed, some more long term and some without any resolution. My greatest fear right now is my boy himself, or more specifically coming into his room in the morning. I'm afraid of walking in on him and him not breathing.
I can't really explain why I have this fear. My rational mind knows that all is well but for months now I haven't been able to easily go into his room first thing. I wait for him to fuss about or cry or something then I know all is well.
I think it's part of my nature to worry about so many things. I worry about not being able to save enough for his college fund. I found out that Harvard costs $250K for four years. I thought that I had planned well enough ahead and we started his college fund the year he was born. Given that it seems we will still be behind in the end.
Now I'm starting to worry about what to do for schools. I saw that the Colorado school system is being underfunded by $2.5 billion. I am already worried about what to do for my son. I have contemplated sending him to private school. Maybe taking that job that pays more but keeps me away more.
So many fears but I am glad to have them. I worry so much about being a good dad, an adequate father that I think I am probably doing a good job.
I'm worried you are going to have a heart attack before Milo is three, considering all that worrying you're doing. Okay, okay, I'm a worrywart, too, so I get it. But as a long-time parent, I've found the key is to pace yourself. (Oh, and good luck with the college fund; we're still paying on that bill long after their graduations.)
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