Week 37: Let's get this show on the road

According to my Fit Pregnancy e-mail newsletter this week, Baby has probably hit the 6-pound mark by now. Being so big gives him less room to move around, they say, but it doesn't stop him from trying. Believe me.

Your baby is practicing her breathing, but she has increasingly less space to practice stretching and kicking.

Less space sure, but I think he's trying to create more with every little stretch and kick and grind of his tiny little heel.

As for what's happening to me, they say:

The hormone relaxin is causing all of the smooth muscle in your body to unclench. You'll feel like you have loose "rag-doll" joints. You're probably having Braxton-Hicks contractions, which you may or may not notice.

I really don't feel like my joints are loose, just achy. Sit too long and get sore. Stand too long and get sore. Lay down too long and get sore. I've noticed some pains that are probably Braxton-Hicks contractions but nothing that's been really bad. Baby's kicks are worse than any other pains at the moment.

The best part? "This week, you may expel the cervical mucus plug, aka 'bloody show,' at any time." Eww. Why does the miracle of birth have to be so gross?

Too bad that relaxin stuff doesn't work on the brain.

Week 24: That's Bananas!

This week my unborn baby is about the size of a banana, so says my email newsletter from Fit Pregnancy. They also say, "It's time to schedule an appointment for your glucose screen, which checks for gestational diabetes; it is conducted between weeks 24 and 28."

I am not looking forward to the glucose screen because they accidentally ordered this test during my very first visit to my OB (at five and a half weeks). Those of you who've had this test know how pleasant tasting the goo they have you drink is. (Hint: It's not at all pleasant tasting.) Then you get to sit in the waiting room for an hour -- reading old magazines and/or watching "Regis and Kelly" -- to see how you react to the onslaught of sugar. I'm also a bit nervous because I have had a raging sweet tooth (especially over the holidays) and hope it hasn't caused major problems.

They tell me too that baby's skin is starting to become less translucent "as pigment is deposited, and it looks wrinkly because her body is making her skin more quickly than it makes the fat to pad underneath it. Your baby's unique hand- and footprints are forming." No getting away with burglary now, kiddo.

The bump is definitely sticking out there now, but I still think most people just think I'm getting chunky. So far, I've been pretty lucky to not experience some of the things that could be happening -- like heartburn, muscle aches, sore feet, and dizziness -- but I'm not so naive as to think I'm getting off scot-free. Besides, I've had my share of other stuff, like restless legs, achy ligaments and being bone tired.

I suppose I need to get used to feeling tired all the time. I don't expect that will change for a while.

Week 22: Grapefruit

This week Fit Pregnancy is back to food comparisons, telling me my unborn is about the size of a small grapefruit.

They also keep saying "she." I understand this is better than saying "he or she" from an editorial point of view, but they use the feminine every week -- and not all of us are having girls.

With my mini-rant out of the way, I'll tell you Fit Pregnancy says:

"Her fingernails are almost fully grown, and her organ systems are becoming more functional and specialized. She has a distinct pair of lips, and her first canines and molars are developing below her gum line. She looks like a miniature newborn. Blood is traveling through the umbilical cord at four miles an hour, fueling her growth with oxygen and nutrients."

Which -- despite the feminine pronoun for my male unborn baby -- is pretty damn cool.

As for my changing body, they mostly tell me about yucky stuff (like yeast infections and anemia) and that "your uterus is certainly growing, but you can probably still bend over, sit, drive, and function fairly comfortably." Define "comfortably," Fit Pregnancy.

While the boy growing inside me is grapefruit size, I'm pretty sure I'm beginning to look a lot like I'm smuggling a watermelon under my shirt.

Ewww! Really?

As I've probably mentioned before, I think there's a lot of crazy crap out there about pregnancy, so I avoid reading too much. I try to look for specific things -- nutrition tips, exercise info, etc. Still, I picked up "The Real Deal Guide to Pregnancy" and have enjoyed the straight-forward way things are presented in it.

Today, though, I open to the page entitled "Body Language: Common Pregnancy Peculiarities." Some of the "peculiarities" I've heard about. Others, not so much. "Just for fun," the book says, "check those that apply then flip to Chapter 6 to find out how to get rid of some of them, make others more tolerable, or at least find sympathy and the humor in them."

I'm not going to share the entire list here. You really don't want to know some of them. I have been lucky to not experience some of these -- especially the ickier ones. But I imagine the joy of pregnancy will bless me with many as the months pass.

I have experienced nausea, a change in my sense of balance, exhaustion, dizziness, forgetfulness, food aversions, frequent urination, hip aches, itching and a stuff nose. I have not experienced -- and hope not to -- bleeding gums,  spider veins, pregnancy mask, skin tags, darkening of my freckles or some of the other things they list that I'd be embarrassed to admit.

And please don't tell me I definitely will experience those things. Ignorance is bliss.