Daddy Talk: Family

I don't like my mother. There I said it. I love her, but I don't like her.

I moved my family in with my mother this past summer. I sold my house faster than expected with the plans to move into a job in Longmont or Oregon. Suffice it to say that I didn't get the job but pressed on with the house sale figuring it was time to get out of the neighborhood anyway and establish roots in a house for my family. I thought that it would be a good opportunity for Milo to bond with his grandmother because she really didn't come around, maybe five times in the two years of his life.  She did get a chance to spend more time with him but none of it turned out how I wanted. It was six months of staying with her and maybe a total of one month of good.

Some things I learned from this whole escapade was that sometimes crazy is just crazy. My mom has been unstable since as far back as I can remember. As long as I can remember she had bouts of manic behavior. Really happy in one instance and boatloads of angry and crazy in another. I always wished for some different behavior and continuously was surprised that the same old thing happened over and over. I was unlucky enough to have that growing up and I don't know why I wanted Milo to go through that.

I think my bonds with Pam and my family have improved because of this.

There were definitely hard times and angry words between us all but I hope we are all better now. What I really wanted was a family, a normal family. I love my aunts and uncles because they are a bond to my dad. I love the family that it all entails. I also love the family that Pam brings.

Daddy Talk: Helpers

You know what I like about being a dad?

When Milo asks for help, I help him. When I ask him for help, he helps me.

Daddy Talk: Health wise

It always seems to happen around my birthday, something to remind me I am getting older. This year it was popping a rib during a deep breath. It eventually got mostly back into place, but during the visits to the doctor my blood pressure was much higher than usual. I usually have borderline high blood pressure. Somewhere near 125/85 is my average. But during that time, it was 150/110. Besides being a bit upset with my doctor for saying these things just happen, I was really worried.

I feel the aches and pains of getting older. I get hurt, and things heal just a little slower. I know it's nothing different than anybody else but I get more worried.

My dad passed away at 52. He was what would be considered a train wreck of problems: heart and lung problems, diabetes, Rheumatoid Arthritis, chronic infections, amputations. I think that covers it. It's a laundry list of things. Most of those I think I can avoid because I don't smoke and try to keep in shape but I still worry what's in store for myself and Milo.

I definitely worry about passing on something genetic. I hope the boy doesn't end up with the high blood pressure or the arthritis. I also really want to be around to see him grow up. If something were to happen when I'm 52, he'd only be 17. I don't want him losing his dad or being trapped by trying to be around to help his sick dad.

Daddy Talk: Plans and procrastination

Ambition without direction is nothing, or at least it has been that way with me. I have been trying to figure out what to do with my life for the last since forever. I jump from self-help thing to self-help thing but pretty much half ass it because I really can't dedicate my time indefinitely. I think I figure if I get the right one I get to be rich, right? 

I was reviewing what I have done to this point in my life, one thing that bubbles up is not really sticking to things as much as I would like. I do a lot of things but master none. That's all things not Milo. When I look at him I have at least an 18-year plan for the little guy. He has college money coming, we will move to the good side of town for his education, I have plans for his first car -- all sorts of plans for the guy that I move forward on. I am not sure what the difference is with planning for him and planning for myself. With him, I just do. Mostly.

I look at my life and think that I have time to get my things accomplished but when I look at my son I know that to hit those milestones, I have to be prepared. I don't know why it doesn't work so much the other way. I know that my parents didn't really plan things out for me. Any choices they made seemed to mostly go with the flow, as it were. They just dealt with things as they came. I know that it left a lot up to me, and I really didn't handle it well. Even though they pushed me to get good grades they didn't help prepare me for what happened after the good grades.

I want to give Milo that and more. So much more.

Daddy Talk: New Year

New Year and new things. Everyday I look forward to waking up and seeing what that kid does. He jumps by leaps and bounds, sometimes it's nothing, sometimes so much. It's funny how I don't notice things unless I look back on pictures and try to remember that this little guy was once so little and wasn't as accomplished as he is today. I look back on pictures from last Christmas and see how much he changed over this last year and I'm astonished. Everyday he changes and I lose track of how different he is from day to day.

It's exciting to see the changes, mostly I look forward to what happens to us next. I really look forward to the new things he will do. It's exciting, especially when I think about how it's new for him just like it's new to me.

Daddy Talk: My Son

After what happened Friday in Connecticut, I haven't really had much of anything else running through my mind. I look at my son and still can't imagine something like that happening to our little family.  It's brought up so many feelings, emotions and thoughts that I don't know if I will ever square them with what happened. I'm glad that I don't have to explain this to Milo right now. If he was old enough to ask questions about this, what is a reasonable response?

In memory:
Charlotte Bacon
Daniel Barden
Rachel Davino
Olivia Engel
Josephine Gay
Ana M. Marquez-Greene
Dylan Hockley
Dawn Hochsprung
Madeleine F. Hsu
Catherine V. Hubbard
Chase Kowalski
Nancy Lanza
Jesse Lewis
James Mattioli
Grace McDonnell
Anne Marie Murphy
Emilie Parker
Jack Pinto
Noah Pozner
Caroline Previdi
Jessica Rekos
Avielle Richman
Lauren Rousseau
Mary Sherlach
Victoria Soto
Benjamin Wheeler
Allison N. Wyatt

Daddy Talk: Getting Beat Up

For the first time as an adult I tried to pick a fight. The guy threw his lip balm and hit me in the head while I was watching a movie, I calmly went to the parking lot of the movie theater to return it to him. Nothing happened and I'm glad it didn't, I guess. I probably would have gotten stabbed or something by his fat girlfriend.

So how do I spin that for the boy? Maybe that some people do deserve to get punched in the face when their fat girlfriends aren't around. That sounds almost sage like but not exactly the image I want to present to the boy. I think that he should not be afraid to confront somebody after he has been wronged especially when they are only willing to do so when your back is turned.

(For the record, we do plan to tell the boy he shouldn't start fights but we want him to defend himself if the situation arises. --Pam)

Daddy Talk: Pooping in the tub

Sometimes the easiest path is not the best path. The boy pooped in the tub while we were washing him after a messy lunch. The boy did what he normally does, except sans diaper. And it's not like we could do anything about it. Pam tried sitting him down on his potty because she could tell he was trying to go, but he was having nothing to do with it. I assume at some point it will occur. I would have really like to have a kid like Manny (from "Modern Family") who self potty trained. But that boy is fictional, and Milo is only 19 months old, I should expect a little poop in the tub -- especially if you undress him when he hasn't pooped yet.

In a way, I suppose I understand what he's doing and why he's doing it. It is what he knows. I think I poop in my own tub on a lot of occasions, so to speak. I have a tendency of picking the easier option rather than the path that offers some difficulty. I don't do a whole lot of risk/reward analysis. If it's hard, I avoid it. That seems to dictate a lot of where my life leads. I pay a lot of lip service to hard work, but it in the end I don't want to put the effort in. I thought that by this point in my life it would be easier to put the effort in. HaHa, get it?

Anyway I worry that I won't be able to instill a sense of hard work and dedication in Milo because I don't know how to do it. I was able to stick with school because somebody else was judging me. When I am by myself I can't motivate myself to keep things going.

Daddy Talk: Road Trip

Having a Thanksgiving celebration on the road can be tough on the participants involved.
Thinking about the details, you have something like a 1 in 140 chance of dying in a car accident on America's roads. Add to that a screaming baby and the whole idea of a road trip seems like a bad idea. But it wasn't.

The boy is still pretty unreasonable when he gets cranky, but mostly you know what's coming down. It's food or he needs to take a friggin' nap and won't. The nap is the killer as you can't spoon up a nap. Seeing family after driving 8 hours on the road really has its own fun and sense of relief when you reach your destination. In this case, mostly relief as the boy went to sleep. Surprisingly enough he didn't wear down quite enough and was up bright and early the next day.

Add the stress of travel to and from the location as well as cooking Thanksgiving dinner and you have the makings of at least one or two blowups. I am proud to say with all that we had only one and a really tasty turkey and a pretty good Thanksgiving celebration.

Daddy Talk: Time's running out

I am definitely in some kind of rut. I keep getting the feeling that time is running out. Knowing that, I still can't seem to break out of this routine. For many reasons I feel like I am not keeping up or getting ahead. I'm just spinning my wheels. So much to do and so little time.

I worry about the future and my career. I keep saving and saving, hoping there will be enough money for retirement and for Milo's college. Yet, even though both are at least 20 years away, I'm afraid I won't have enough saved. I want to change careers but stay where I am for some reason.

I feel like I'll blink and Milo will be 5. I blink again and he's an adult, again and he has his own kids. My fears and issues travel from one end of the spectrum to the other -- from my personal life to my work life. Unfortunately I have no clue how to bump out of it.

Despite -- or because of -- his worries, he's a great, supportive daddy. -- Pam

Daddy Talk: The world still turns

Three cheers for the elections being over.  I had hoped that with the election being over the BS of people yelling over each other would end -- but nope. I have to dial back the crazy on Facebook still four days after the election. Spirited discussion is one thing but I really don't get the non-stop anger. It just keeps building and building.

This is his "No" face.

The part that is so hard to understand is the irrational, uneducated parts that you can't explain away. You can't reason with an idea that somebody started that has no basis in fact, only in opinion. It gets me angry and I have to check my attitude because I get irrational back. I think ever since I have had Milo around it has gotten better though. The angry certainly doesn't come out as easily and I find myself trying to better articulate how I feel.

Daddy Talk: Tinkle Think

Trying to figure out the whole potty training thing is a bit confusing for me. I don't really know how to encourage my son to pee in the potty, let alone poo in it.

I think at this point he isn't quite ready, and it's mostly up to us to keep him from getting scared of it. Which so far hasn't been a problem. He sees it, sits on it and is good with it as an accessory piece. Outside of that I'm not really too worried about it.

There are plenty of books on the subject and plenty of different ideas. Our neighbors took their boy out to a farm, stripped him naked and, poof, he was done. Our experience with having our boy walk around naked has been that he pees on the carpet -- and sometimes, in the tub.

Potty training is definitely one of those things with many paths to the same endpoint. The best way seems to be anything with patience involved.

Daddy Talk: Picture Day

Man what fun. Today we spent some time with a professional photographer. At least it's with somebody who took money to take our pictures. I make light. It was very fun -- unexpectedly so.

Lots of pictures and the boy had so much fun even with all the kid wrangling. Throwing around pine cones and getting tired. That little boy of mine is so photogenic and he knows how to have fun until it's no more fun.

I really am looking forward to seeing how the pictures turned out. If she got half of what was happening, there are a lot of candid shots that will be well worth remembering.

I really miss my family album. We haven't been able to find any of the other albums that were at my parent's house. It really is unfortunate and makes me sad that I won't be able to show my son the pictures of me growing up. Luckily I have found some pictures through friends and family but it's not nearly enough. There are so many pictures of people in my life that are just gone now. I will do the best that I can and show him what I can.

Daddy Talk

When I was a kid it was kind of a big deal to get a gift -- a little RC car, or train or squirt gun. They cost my parents real dollars but I'm pretty sure I didn't treat them with much reverence past the first week or so.

I remember getting my first computer when I was around 12. It was an Apple compatible -- so not really an Apple -- and could do 90 percent of what other Apples could do. It just couldn't do that last bit. Anyway, it helped me through Junior high school and was actually pretty great. It also cost a good deal of money for my parents. I remember dusting it every day and generally treating it pretty well. It was portable -- in that it had a carry handle and weighed 20 pounds.

I bring this up because I see parents on a regular basis handing over these marvelous little computers to their kids, cell phones and tablet computers. Usually they come free or cost a little bit so it may not seem like much, but in some cases when you break one of these guys and have to replace them, it's a bit of a shock as the replacement cost for these phones is sometimes $400 dollars. An iPad can cost upwards of $600. It's pretty nuts when you sit and really think about. You are handing over these little dynamo computers to kids, babies even. I know. I've handed over my iPhone to my 1-year-old to watch "Timmy Time" so that the adults could talk during dinner.

On the face of it, I worry about the kid chucking it out the window and having to replace it, but on the other hand, I really worry about when my kid gets old enough to appreciate or not appreciate things. Will it matter to him or will he be like a lot of kids who just have them replaced regardless of what happens? I suppose that depends on us and how we deal with him.

Daddy Talk: Getting Outdoors

I don't remember too many outdoor excursions with my parents from when I was a kid. I know my dad liked to fish, and I really didn't take much advantage of that. Truth be told, I am sure I was pretty whiny.

I remember three trips: One to Memorial Park to fish in the lake there, another more recent trip to fish at 11 Mile reservoir and camping in the Bronco in the driveway. I don't remember ever camping in a tent.

I think my dad liked to do those things when he was younger, but for some reason we never got around to it.

I went with Pam and Milo to Fox Run Park and did a little trail hiking recently. It was a few hours long but it was really fun. The boy enjoyed getting out and watching the scenery go by as he rode in the backpack some family friends gave us.

I want my family to be outdoorsy. I want us to go four-wheeling. I want us to see the Grand Canyon, Yellowstone and Mt. Rushmore. I want us to really enjoy the things that are available to us, like camping and hunting, but maybe not fishing (I still think it's gross).

I don't know why I want this other than just because. I keep remembering a saying: "I do not regret the things I've done, but those I did not do."

My life is full of paths not taken. I don't want Milo to be that way.

Daddy Talk: Confused and Concerned

Last year I bought a small safe to keep my gun locked up. It's a Stack-On PDS 500 digital safe with a keyed bypass. I mention the keyed bypass because it was a selling point. In case the battery of the keypad dies, you can grab your handy key and unlock it. Lucky for me, in case that ever happens and I really need to get my gun I found out that all I need is a paperclip to get it opened.

You have to do a little work, I mean you have to open up the paperclip. Other than that, slide the small side of the paperclip and twist. And just like that it's open. I found about it from an article in Wired. It happens that a number of those safes are vulnerable and it's been blamed as contributing to the death of one child. The obvious thing is that I stop using it, no question of that.

The confusing and concerning thing is when I tried to ring the bell and let everybody I knew who was involved with this product how bad a danger it was. I purchased it from Amazon.com and thought it would be a good idea to let them know what was going on. It took 20 minutes to explain what was occurring with the safe and how easy it was to open. At first what occurred was that the representative was very sorry for what was happening and offered a refund. I went into how dangerous it was that the safe was meant to store guns and could be opened with paperclip. They apologized profusely and passed on my information to their safety group and that was it. The product is still listed on Amazon's site and is still being sold. No warnings, no nothing. The best that I could do was post a video as review it as 1 star to warn everybody else.

I then called Stack-On directly and was sent a form letter via email. I don't understand what's going on with these people. You get some little kid's finger tips cut off because parents are folding up their kids in the strollers and companies go out of business. This company has a product meant to keep firearms locked up and you can beat it with a paperclip. Why aren't they all over trying to get this fixed. The Wired article said that they let Stack-On know months ago and only came out with the report because they wouldn't respond. Thank God they did because it would have never occurred to me that me being responsible by locking up my firearms would be deadly to my son.

Daddy Talk

It's all on fire

Today in Colorado, the state is on fire. Currently, eight separate fires are burning in Colorado and it's only the start of summer as of last Wednesday. We have had two days of 100+ temperatures. The significance of that is that it has only happened four times in all of recorded history in Colorado Springs prior to this. Right now the closest fire is less than 10 miles away. The smoke is thick enough to taste. I know that it gives me a bit of a sore throat. I know it affects Pam and it definitely affects the boy. Poor guy is grabbing at his throat. We try to keep him sealed up in the AC while we soldier on but it's tough.

The heat is stifling for us. We are so far away from the fire but really it's right next door. It's almost in my favorite park, Garden of the Gods. It's burning the areas between there and Pikes Peak. It's still uncontrolled. There is a pall of smoke all throughout the city that won't be going away any time soon.  I know it's hard on us through the smoke and the coughing.  I know it's really hard on those who were evacuated from Manitou Springs and the West Side of Colorado Springs.  I know it's hard on the firefighters. It's hard on everybody here. We tried to do our little bit to help. We stopped by Costco and bought a couple of flats of sports drinks and snacks to drop off at Care and Share. I know they will go to the right place.

Man we really need to see some rain here.  

Daddy Talk: Birthdays

This week was my 37th birthday, Pam made me Biscuits and Gravy yum. Milo's first was last month. It was the 70th for a person who I consider an aunt. We went to the birthday and introduced Milo to her and her husband. They were friends of my parents since I was a wee babe and it was nice being able to introduce my son to people who were at one time close to my parents, particularly my parents. I don't know why I didn't do it sooner.

I keep thinking there will always be time to do these things. Those days and years are zipping away so fast and so are the opportunities. One of my sad memories is telling my dad that we lost our first child to miscarriage. It wasn't long after that he passed away. I don't know if regret is the right emotion for it all. Its not something I would have wanted to keep from him but I wished we could have given him good news with his grandson. 

Too many regrets.

Daddy talk: Hobby horse

I have too many hobbies. I bike, shoot guns and bows, fly planes, build models, read four books at a time, play computer games and play the piano. I have kites in the box along and woodworking projects waiting to be cut. I have a passing understanding of so many things but I'm certainly not exceptional at any one thing. It's all so very broad to be worthless sometimes.

The worst thing is that even though I know that I need to stick with something, I always get a tad bored and move on. I get a reasonable understanding of a subject and move on. I get to a point where I am better than any Joe off the street and boom -- done. All my life I have wanted to be a jack of all trades but now find that's not really a great skill. The question is how do I keep Milo from taking that path.

I really want Milo to be the guy who runs something down. Somebody who gets really interested in something and sticks with it. Not the OCD level but really interested level. I think the unfortunate thing is I don't want to relive my failures through my son. Maybe it's the steady hand I need to work on for myself.....Wait. What was I talking about?

Daddy talk: Bucket lists

Things are great right now. Milo's being fussy and cries in frustration because he can't articulate what he wants. I can understand that, well at least the frustration part. He gets a little better at it each day. So far we know when he's thirsty, when he wants food, when he wants more. I am sure to him we aren't doing a great job but we are getting some level of understanding. Lots more to look forward to.

Yesterday we did a practice 10K run/walk and took a break at Gossage Youth Sports Park while some little league games were going on. I couldn't help but imagine Milo playing ball, to the point where I planned on getting him that padded shirt in case he gets hit with a ball. It isn't all that odd to imagine what kinds of things he will get into and what to pad his world with so he doesn't get hurt. I think that's the easy thing to do is to figure out all the things he will do.

One thing I have never contemplated are the things that he wouldn't be able to do. I ran across a story on CNN about the daughter of Mike and Laura Canahuati. Her name is Avery and has only 2 years to live. Her parents have come up with a bucket list for her and are working on getting as many of those items done for her. I know how stuck I would be just trying to understand why my perfect little child doesn't get to see his third birthday. I hope that Avery gets to do so many things and see so many places. I hope the same for Milo.

http://averycan.blogspot.com/