Daddy Talk: Plans and procrastination

Ambition without direction is nothing, or at least it has been that way with me. I have been trying to figure out what to do with my life for the last since forever. I jump from self-help thing to self-help thing but pretty much half ass it because I really can't dedicate my time indefinitely. I think I figure if I get the right one I get to be rich, right? 

I was reviewing what I have done to this point in my life, one thing that bubbles up is not really sticking to things as much as I would like. I do a lot of things but master none. That's all things not Milo. When I look at him I have at least an 18-year plan for the little guy. He has college money coming, we will move to the good side of town for his education, I have plans for his first car -- all sorts of plans for the guy that I move forward on. I am not sure what the difference is with planning for him and planning for myself. With him, I just do. Mostly.

I look at my life and think that I have time to get my things accomplished but when I look at my son I know that to hit those milestones, I have to be prepared. I don't know why it doesn't work so much the other way. I know that my parents didn't really plan things out for me. Any choices they made seemed to mostly go with the flow, as it were. They just dealt with things as they came. I know that it left a lot up to me, and I really didn't handle it well. Even though they pushed me to get good grades they didn't help prepare me for what happened after the good grades.

I want to give Milo that and more. So much more.

Classy

The S.O. and I spent most of our weekend at a prepared childbirth class. We opted for the two-day weekend express to get it done, rather than spread it out over four weeks and risk missing one (something always comes up, doesn't it?).

It was very informative. We've done a lot of reading but nothing quite compares with seeing where you will give birth and watching the video of a baby entering the world. Here's how I know I'm ready for this: When they showed a video of a baby crowning, then being delivered and placed on Mom's belly, I got choked up and tears came to my eyes. That same image a year ago would have elicited an "ugh," and I probably would have watched the scene through my fingers -- if at all.

Instead, I was fascinated, touched -- and a bit jealous. She was done! She had her baby and now gets to move on to the actual parenting part. The only part that didn't make me feel all motherly was when, as the baby's head emerged, Mom asked, "Does it look like a baby?" All I could think was, "No. It looks like my grandpa."

But when they gave us a tour of the birth center and stopped by the nursery (where there were just two babies because the hospital has a "room-in" policy) I oohed and aahed with everyone else -- and almost got choked up again. (Damn these pregnancy hormones!)

It was nice to see where we'll deliver our baby and where we'll get to hang out after he's born. In addition to the tour and videos, we got to practice some breathing and relaxation techniques. It has suddenly dawned on the S.O. that labor and delivery isn't going to be a walk in the park for either one of us. I think he really believed he'd get to just sit and play Angry Birds while I did all the work. Instead he'll be helping me focus, rubbing my back, holding me up when I need it and being available to my every beck and call and crazy laboring momma whim.

We still have a long way to go and plenty of things to buy before we're really ready for Baby, but the class definitely made us feel better informed and more emotionally ready. As a bonus, I think it brought us closer to each other -- we really are in this together.

Week 31: Two months to go, two months to grow

Just this morning it occurred to me that I have just over two months left before I get to meet Baby. Part of me can't believe it will be here so quickly. Another part of me -- the part that just keeps getting bigger and bigger -- can't believe it's going to be so long.

We saw the doctor this morning, and my weight is good, my growth is good, and Baby's heartbeat is strong. We will have another ultrasound in a week or two to check Baby's growth. Oh, and my glucose levels were very good so I don't have to worry about gestational diabetes. Whew!

When I got home from the doctor, my e-mail newsletter from Fit Pregnancy was sitting in my mailbox. It tells me:

Your baby weighs between 2 1/2 and 3 1/2 pounds. She continues to gain weight at a faster pace than she lengthens, which will give her those cute chubby cheeks. She's about fourteen to sixteen inches tall, although individual growth rates vary. Your baby begins to run out of room as she puts on weight. You should feel about ten kicks an hour.

They go on to say that some care providers may suggest keeping a "kick chart" (mine hasn't) by writing down how many kicks you feel in an hour, so that you are aware if there's a decrease in activity. Baby is so active at certain parts of the day, I don't know if I could keep track of the number of kicks he gives me then. As I've mentioned before, he seems to quiet down when other people want to feel him kick.

I find myself thinking about this summer -- outings and trips to see family and such -- and it is so strange to me to imagine those things with Baby in tow. I know a baby changes your life and I'm ready (as ready as I'll ever be) for that but it still feels strange.