40-something, schmorty-something

As a 40-something mom of a 2-year-old, I sometimes worry that people will think I'm Milo's grandma. Some days are definitely better than others. I know it's vanity that makes me want to look younger than my 40-something years, but something deeper than vanity makes me want to feel younger.

Backyard bubbles

I suppose every mother worries about not being around for her child -- heck, I'm sure fathers feel that too -- but when you start out later than lots of other moms, you probably worry more. My family has mixed results when it comes to longevity. My paternal grandpa lived to be 98. My paternal grandma was in her mid-80s, having fought Parkinson's disease for many, many years. My mother's parents were both in their 70s, and Mom was just 70 when we lost her.

Active Mom does active stuff (at Milo's birthday party).

I try really hard to eat right (ish) and exercise on a regular basis. All with the hopes of living long enough to see grandchildren one day. Yes, I know he's only 2 and I don't want him to be a teenage father. So, I'll have to live well into my 90s to get the most out of grandparenthood. And I'll need to keep active so my grandkids don't remember me as tottering (or worse, invalid) old Grandma Pammeey. I also want Milo to remember his childhood as active, with a youthful-seeming mom.

It would be great to look like a 30-something mom, but the more important objective for me is to act and feel like a much younger person. Lucky for me, my high-energy toddler keeps me active, and I have a really good gym membership. And, in 30 or so years, I hope I can be an active granny too.

Daddy Talk: Time's running out

I am definitely in some kind of rut. I keep getting the feeling that time is running out. Knowing that, I still can't seem to break out of this routine. For many reasons I feel like I am not keeping up or getting ahead. I'm just spinning my wheels. So much to do and so little time.

I worry about the future and my career. I keep saving and saving, hoping there will be enough money for retirement and for Milo's college. Yet, even though both are at least 20 years away, I'm afraid I won't have enough saved. I want to change careers but stay where I am for some reason.

I feel like I'll blink and Milo will be 5. I blink again and he's an adult, again and he has his own kids. My fears and issues travel from one end of the spectrum to the other -- from my personal life to my work life. Unfortunately I have no clue how to bump out of it.

Despite -- or because of -- his worries, he's a great, supportive daddy. -- Pam

Daddy Talk: Science Fair Edition

On Saturday I volunteered as a judge at the regional science fair at the University. It's my fourth year of volunteering and it is something that I get a lot of satisfaction doing, usually.  This year it was a bit more relevant to me because of Milo. I looked around and remembered my experiences at science fairs when I was a kid and at the same time looked forward to helping Milo with his first science fair. 

From my personal experience as a participant in science fairs when I was younger I also remembering phoning it in. I was a nerd but not near the quality of nerd some of these kids are. And when I say nerd I mean it as the highest compliment I can deliver. I mean thorough, thoughtful and full of promise. Some of the projects there were very impressive. These 7th graders showed real promise, not just in knowledge but also in work ethic. Some of these kids show so much effort.

I bring this up because when I looked around, there were enough examples of kids doing it because it was a requirement for a grade or because their parents pushed them to do something. Being one of those kids myself I looked back and wondered what the difference was between the kids who were driven to work really hard on a project and those that have to be cajoled into doing something. I want Milo to be the kid who becomes interested in something and follows through on his own. I want to be available to him and a resource rather than being a task master.

A lot of the kids who did the best had involved parents who didn't help in a big way but were great supporters -- parents who could give good hints, recommend some places to look but not take over. I really feel like I am going to be the dad who will take over when I really shouldn't. I am a crappy teacher who sometimes never has enough patience. I really need to find a way to learn the patience. Luckily I am getting better at it and I figure I have at least four years until Milo's first science fair.

Daddy Talk

Fear itself

For the weeks and months I've been a father I have had fears -- some mundane and quickly dismissed, some more long term and some without any resolution. My greatest fear right now is my boy himself, or more specifically coming into his room in the morning. I'm afraid of walking in on him and him not breathing.

I can't really explain why I have this fear. My rational mind knows that all is well but for months now I haven't been able to easily go into his room first thing. I wait for him to fuss about or cry or something then I know all is well.

I think it's part of my nature to worry about so many things. I worry about not being able to save enough for his college fund. I found out that Harvard costs $250K for four years. I thought that I had planned well enough ahead and we started his college fund the year he was born. Given that it seems we will still be behind in the end.

Now I'm starting to worry about what to do for schools.  I saw that the Colorado school system is being underfunded by $2.5 billion. I am already worried about what to do for my son. I have contemplated sending him to private school. Maybe taking that job that pays more but keeps me away more.

So many fears but I am glad to have them. I worry so much about being a good dad, an adequate father that I think I am probably doing a good job.

Ringing in the new year

New Year's Eve is generally a time when we reflect on the past year and look ahead to the coming 12 months. This past year has been a whirlwind. And I know the coming year will be even more so. The past five months have gone by so quickly, it's hard to believe this is only the beginning.

As for my new year's resolutions, I have just a few. I resolve to stay healthy. I resolve to not panic when it comes time to deliver my son. I resolve to not freak out about every single thing that happens to me as a new mom. I resolve to not be too hard on myself when I break that last resolution. I resolve to do the best I can. And I resolve to love myself, the S.O. and our new baby with all my heart.

May your 2011 be happy, healthy and prosperous.

The Toughest Job

Through all my hopes and fears, one thing rings true. Based on my own parents' experiences with my brothers and me and on the experiences of friends with children ranging from infants to adults, I realize you never stop worrying about your kids.

There are dirty diapers and 2 a.m. feedings and staying up waiting when they take the car or go on a first date. And if your kids sick or hurting -- no matter their age -- you continue to have hopes and fears.

No matter how old you are there always seems to come a time when you still need Mom (or Dad), a time when you want her to fold you in her arms, kiss away the tears and tell you everything is going to be all right -- even if she isn't really all that sure herself. It's what being a parent is all about.

And I'm grateful to have (and to have had) people in my life who have set high standards for that job.