2 years

Dear Milo,

Happy birthday, my wonderful boy! It's hard to believe you joined our world just two years ago. My, how the time has flown.

Birthday cake!

 Sometimes the world is a scary ugly place (like the incident at the Boston Marathon), but when I look at you, life makes sense. You make everything better. I never knew I could love someone with such intensity and selflessness. In fact, I never knew I could be selfless at all. But I would give you anything I have to give.

You are smart and cute and you have an amazing sense of humor for such a small person. You make me laugh all the time. Over the past two years, I have written you monthly letters to mark your milestones. Looking back through those letters and all the photos I have taken, I am so proud of you. I'm so proud to be your mom.

Swinging with Dada at The Little Gym

We threw you a big party at The Little Gym, with lots of kids and grown ups. Everyone had a good time. Your Aunt D came from Kansas to spend time with you, and you learned to call her DeeDee instead of "uncle." You showed off your letter-reading skills and let her spoil you rotten. You got lots of great presents and had some yummy cake. But I don't think birthdays mean a whole lot to you yet. You're just happy to have lots of toys to play with and new books to read. All the great clothes Aunt DeeDee got you mean more to me -- you won't have to go naked this summer.

My first glimpse of you

I often feel like the day you were born was the day my real life started, like everything before that was just practice. I spent a lot of years not knowing I wanted you. Now that you're here, I can't imagine life without you.

We have a lot of adventures to take together. I look forward to them all. Happy birthday, Milo. I love you more than words can ever express.

Love,
Mama

23 months

Dear Milo,

You are 23 months old today. Sometimes the past almost two years seems like they've flown by, other times it feels like a lifetime.

You seem to change and grow every single day. You are getting to be such a big boy, and it's often hard to remember how little you were not so very long ago. Because, really 23 months isn't such a long time (even though for you, it's been a lifetime). Thank goodness for all the pictures we've taken.

You, just a few hours old

You took your first plane ride this month -- and your first vacation that didn't involve staying at a relative's house. It was all pretty exciting.

As you can plainly see.

I was pretty nervous at the prospect of flying with a toddler, but you were a champ. You were well-behaved, then just took a nice long nap.

We went to San Diego to enjoy some sun and surf. We took you to the zoo and some museums -- and, of course, the beach. You and Daddy ended up with colds so we didn't do as much as we might have, but we had a really great time.

You got to meet one of Daddy's cousins, and I think she was quite taken with you, even though you slept through a lot of our outing with her.

You're kind of obsessed with trains at the moment. I don't expect that to go away any time soon. You also really like hippos (or as you call them "meebos") right now which really makes me smile. Because I have a bit of an obsession with them.

You've started calling me "Mom" sometimes. I'm not sure if you're switching to that or if you just get lazy and don't want to pronounce the second part of "Mama." Either way, I don't think I like it. It's too grown up. You are trying out new words all the time. But when you don't know a word, you just kind of babble something. At the zoo, "Bye bye, turblabla" to the tortoises. It's really cute though.

You do so many cute things that you know are cute. You lay down, pretend to snore, then pop up and say, "Oh. Hi." It's just too cute. You are also requesting certain songs to be sung, including "ABDD" and "Up Above," as well as "Itsy Bitsy Spider."

I think you are the cutest thing in the world. When someone else tells me you're handsome or cute or adorable, I can feel my chest swell with pride. At the airport, you were reading letters out loud and a lady heard you -- a retired teacher, no less -- and commented on how impressive it was for your age. I just about burst from the pride I felt.

It's actually kind of surprising that I don't just explode from all the pride and love and joy I feel just having you in my life. The fact that you're smart and beautiful is just icing on the cake. Which you're also kind of obsessed with right now.

I love you, my smart, beautiful, wonderful son.

Love,
Mama

22 months

Dear Milo,

It's been 22 months since you were born. Sometimes it feels like you've been in my life forever. I lived a long time before you were born but doesn't always feel that way. For instance, when I think about your daddy's and my trip to Hawaii, I'll sometimes forget that you were only there in my tummy. And really, just barely there. A tiny little bump.

But you're the biggest -- best -- part of my life now so it's hard to remember when you weren't around. It's even hard sometimes to remember what it was like before you were running around, climbing onto the chairs and table, saying, "Go" for "yes," calling people by their names (or a close approximation of it) and actually reading letters of the alphabet when I point them out to you.

That last one amazes me the most. You know A, B, D, E, I, K, O, M, R, X, Y and Z. You don't always want to read them to me but I know that you recognize those letters on a regular basis. I'm just positive I have a genius in the making.

I know there have been a few days recently when I have been less that patient with you. I'm not sure if it's the time of year or what, but I know I have. I don't like being that way, especially with you. I have snapped at you a couple of times and, as soon as it happens, I feel terrible. I've been trying to take deep breaths when I feel cranky. And I've been trying to teach you to take deep breaths as well, with less than stellar results. You can really throw a fit when you want to.

You can also be extremely sweet. Just yesterday, you did one of the sweetest things ever -- right on the heels of headbutting me, that is. I was holding you, singing the alphabet, while you headbutted me to each letter. Suddenly, you stopped and pushed my bangs out of my eyes, gave me the sweetest smile, then snuggled against my shoulder. It was awesome.

Most of what you do is pretty awesome, but that was really, really awesome. As I've said many times, you amaze me every day. I love you very much, my little man.

Love,
Mama

What I wish

Dear Milo,

I'm writing to you because your Grandma Louise passed away five years ago today and I wanted to say a few words to you about her. It's been hard living without her. And I wish she had gotten to meet you. And I wish you had gotten to know her and spend time with her. She would have spoiled you rotten.

Grandma Louise with your cousins Heather and Spencer

One day, you will have to ask your cousins about Grandma Louise. I'm sure they will have fun stories to share.

Grandma was a great mom. She did crafts with me and your uncles. She led my Brownies and their Cub Scouts. She let our friends come and play. She made us treats of all kinds when we had play dates and sleepovers. She made these amazing birthday cakes for us and played board games.

But she didn't let us get away with foolishness. Although, I'm pretty sure she let her grandkids get away with a lot more than she would have put up with from her own children. But that's OK. Grandmas are supposed to do that. I bet you would have gotten away with way more than I ever did. (Don't tell your cousins, but I think you would have been her favorite.)

How could you not be?

It may sound silly, but I think she's looking out for us still. I wasn't supposed to be able to have you, yet here you are -- beautiful and perfect. She must have had some say in that. She created so many beautiful things when she was alive, from her own children (yes, I include myself in that because I think I turned out OK) to crafts and cakes and memories. 

You will never want for love, my wonderful son, because Grandma Louise left you terrific uncles and cousins -- as well as in-laws and your own parents -- who were influenced by our love for this wonderful woman.

I wish you could have met her in person. At least I know that you will know her because she left such a lasting impression on all of us who did meet her and who love her dearly still.

She will always be in your heart, Sweetness, because she loves you, even though you never met.

Love,

Mama

21 months

Dear Milo,

What the what. How did you get to be 21 months old? No really. So much of the past 21 months has been a blur. I'm already starting to think about your second birthday party.

This last month has been especially crazy. You have made such advances in your behavior and your language skills. And you have such a cute and funny personality.

You've suddenly become quite social with other kids. You play really well with other little boys. Today, at the grocery store you wanted to climb out of the cart to go play with another boy about your age. He tried to climb out too. His mommy and I had to strap you boys down. It was very cute.

You finally got to play later today with one of your friends from The Little Gym, and the two of you had a laugh riot playing together. You got a shiny new haircut during our play date today too. Afterwards, you were standing across the room. I called to you to get a better look at your hair. You turned toward me, and, with your new haircut, you suddenly looked a lot like your Uncle Jim when he was little.

Uncle Jim and Uncle Joe

Unfortunately, you were wore out from playing all afternoon and didn't want to pose for a good picture. But I am seeing a lot more of me and my family features in your little face. It's pretty cool and you're still really cute. So it's OK for you to look like anybody. As long as you're still you.

Can you see the resemblance?

Our second Christmas together was a ton of fun. You really got into opening presents. You really liked your new Meowsic kitty keyboard and your wooden train set.

The train was more fun out of the box.

You had your first (and hopefully not last) white Christmas. You love the snow and still want to play in the dirty piles that linger for a long time around here. (I don't let you!)

Trying to make a snow angel on Christmas Day

You've started mimicking words and sounds more and more so I've told Daddy he needs to work on cleaning up his language. One of our favorite games right now is what does the animal say. I ask, "What does the monkey say?" And you answer, "Oh oh ah." I ask, "What does the dinosaur say?" and you reply, "Rawr!" You have a pretty large repertoire now, including chicken, dog, cat, elephant and train conductor. It's awesome. And so are you.

Every day, even when I'm exhausted, even when I'm frustrated because you're frustrated, even when you don't do exactly what I ask of you, you make me laugh and smile. You make me proud to be your mom. You make me so happy.

I love you, baby. (Even if you aren't a baby any more.)

Love,
Mama

20 months

Dear Milo,

Another month has passed -- another month closer to your second birthday. Time really does fly when you're having fun. And you are so much fun. You think you can read and count already, saying "I, o, i, o" or "Nine, nine, nine" when you see letters or numbers. It's quite cute and makes me feel proud, even if you're not actually reading or counting. Your vocabulary seems to expand daily, and you often say things we didn't know you knew. The other day you said, "Penguin" -- to our surprise.

We spent Thanksgiving with your Great-Aunt Dianna. We took you to the zoo there on a breezy day. You enjoyed it but didn't want us to carry you, despite the rough ground and your lack of coordination that day. Some days you seem so sure-footed while other days you seem to fall over for no reason at all. That day at the zoo, you were Mr. Clumsy but acted like you thought you were a little mountain goat. You have more will than skill some days and that can make me really nervous. I do not want to make another trip to the ER.

We also went to the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo here at home for a stroller safari -- a behind-the-scenes adventure. We got up close and personal with the resident moose. We even got to feed him crackers. You were a little timid about the moose's mouth, and I can't blame you.

Look at that nose!

We're fast approaching your second Christmas. We took you to cut a tree. You were fascinated by the alpacas at the tree farm and wanted to play in the dirt. The trees, however, didn't really keep your attention. You tried to help Daddy hang lights, and the hand-made ornaments from your grandma drew your attention.

I feel like I have to mention the shooting in a Connecticut elementary school that happened earlier this week. A man walked into a school and killed many people. It was a senseless act perpetrated by a sick individual. I don't want to dwell on it, but I mention it because it makes me want to hold you close and never let you go. It also makes me realize that no matter what I do and how much I want to protect you, I can't always be there. I hope that nothing like this ever happens to us -- or that you ever have to be a witness to such evil. But that's all I can really do -- wish and hope for the best for you. Always.

I love you, little man. You make every day better.

Love, 
Mommy

19 months

Dear Milo,

Am I ever going to stop being surprised by how fast time passes? Probably not. Before I know it, I'll be writing, "Dear Milo, you're 19 years old today." And I will faint at how quickly it went.

You're 19 months old today. [Fainting.] The past month has been filled with so much fun. You got to go trick or treating this year and actually sort of got what it was about. You are doing somersaults all by yourself -- even at The Little Gym where your teacher can see you doing them.

You are saying -- or trying to say -- lots of new words. You're mimicking Daddy and me a lot. Although, you still don't call me Mommy or Mama or anything, except possibly Dada sometimes. You seem to think your name is Mama. Or maybe you just think Milo and Mama are the same word. Or -- and this is not beyond the realm of possibility based on your growing sense of humor -- you're just screwing with me. One day you said Mama while babbling about the dog and Dada. You looked at me with an oops sort of grin that made me think you know exactly who Mama is. Lucky you're so damn cute.

The time change messed with your sleep schedule for a bit. Mostly it made you -- and me -- cranky. Plus, you seem to be getting all your teeth right now. Those little buggers are sure slow in coming. You've had a constantly running nose. So, along with the fun stuff this month, there have been plenty of tears. But mostly fun.

We got our family portraits done by a very nice lady, Courtney at CKE Photography. Not only was it a good time, but we got a whole bunch of really great pictures. Look out, family, you're getting pics for Christmas.

Photo by CKE Photography. Costume by Carter's. Cute by Milo.

Lately, you've been saying/singing, "Doopah doopah da." It's a little like a jazz scat, and I'm not sure where it came from. It's totally cute though, and Daddy and I sing it back to you. So much so that the other night when I checked on you before I went to bed, you said, "Doopah da" to me in your sleep. It was so freaking cute, I had to call your daddy, who was out of town, and tell him about it. In fact, you're saying it right now -- while you're supposed to be napping.

It's OK, though because you're playing happily by yourself in your crib. Even when you don't nap now, you usually have some quiet time. I really appreciate that, sweetie. I have been trying to take more time for myself and I think that helps us both. You're awesome and all, but mommies need breaks and so do little boys.

The next month is going to be another whirlwind month, with visiting Auntie for Thanksgiving and prepping for the big holiday. It'll be fun though, just like every day with you is filled with fun.

I love you, sweetness. So much.

Love,
Mommy

18 months

Dear Milo,

You are a year and a half old now. Can you believe it? In just the past couple of days, you have been acting like such a big boy. Maybe it's because your Great-Aunt Dianna is here to visit you. Maybe it's because you really are a big boy now. Whatever the reason, you have started surprising me by doing things like repeating words when I ask you to. You are saying new things almost daily. Just today you said "apple" and tried to say "whistle." I still can't get you to say "mommy" though.

You are doing things at The Little Gym that we've been trying to get you to do for a long time. All of a sudden, you are hanging from the bars. You are climbing on things and balancing. You are doing those things and others without prompting and without help. I'm so proud of you sometimes I almost cry. And not just because of what you do at The Little Gym.

You are so much fun to be around. You love getting out and doing things. You are practically fearless, and that can be scary for Mommy. Today, you climbed the jungle gym and went down the slide with almost no help at all.

There are some things that I'm not thrilled with -- you biting me the other night is one. But I do love when you grab me and give me big hugs. And I love when you kiss me. You can be so sweet. Most of the time. You're less consistent with your napping right now and sometimes you get cranky from lack of sleep. And you have a whole bunch of molars coming in, so I guess you're allowed to be a little angry once in awhile.

You can be quite demanding when you want something, including wanting Daddy and me to dance with you when a favorite song comes on. But it's worth it to see you smile and hear you laugh. Your laugh is the absolute best. I wish I could bottle it to use when I'm having a bad day.

Even when you're testing limits and my patience, you amaze me. You thrill me daily. Some days, I still can't believe I'm your mom.  I know you're not technically a baby anymore, but you'll always be my baby. You make me so happy. I love you like crazy, little man.

Love,
Mommy

17 Months

Dear Milo,

Another month has zipped by and like every month since you joined our family, it was awesome. You are becoming quite the little boy.

 
You continue to test your independence, which usually involves you climbing on something you shouldn't be on or running somewhere you don't need to be. But you still need my help for plenty of things.

Like getting dressed and putting on shoes and socks

That means you try to communicate more to let me know what you need. Your sign language skills are improving (you have started saying "thank you" and "help" in the past couple of weeks) and you are working on saying new words all the time.

You know animal sounds, like cow, sheep, dog and monkey. And just tonight when I asked you what a train says, you said, "Choo choo." I have to admit though, I'm not thrilled with the fact that when asked, "Where's Mama?" you point to yourself.

Such fun!

You've become very expressive. And you just started blowing kisses this week, and it's the cutest thing ever. It's hard to believe you can continue to get cuter and cuter ever single day.

Being cute with Daddy

We've been trying to get out more with you. We've gone hiking and to the park and just today we went to the apple orchard with you. You love getting out and exploring.

Yummy apple

It amazes me that I can continue to be amazed by you. Every day with you gets better and better. I love you more today than the day you were born. If someone had told me that day I could love you more, I would have said it wasn't possible; my heart would surely burst. But I do love you more. And I'll love you more tomorrow. One day you will probably be embarrassed by my displays of affection and my expressions of love. But I'm not going to stop. So get used to it.

 

I love you so much my beautiful boy.

Love,

Mommy

16 months

Dear Milo,

Another month has come and gone -- another month filled with excitement and some truly scary moments. Just this weekend, you made your first visit to the ER. You were pretty much unfazed by the entire episode. Your Daddy and I are still reeling from it. You were back to your old self the very next morning, trying to give me love headbutts and giggling like mad.

Our other big milestone this past month is that you are finally and completely weaned. One morning you got up and instead of asking for Mommy, you asked for yogurt. And we haven't looked back. Honestly, sweetie, I don't miss it. I don't get to hold you as much but I can live with that.

We were both sick this month, you for a couple of days and me for a couple weeks. That kind of threw off our normal schedule, and we're still working to get back into a routine. We hung out at the pool a few times with friends and you loved it. So much that you tried to go into the "deep" end on your own. I tried really hard not to freak out about it.

In other news, we got a new roof on the house and we got air conditioning installed. Both have helped us all sleep better.

We tried to take you to see the president when he spoke in town, but we arrived too late to get in. We missed out on that but we took you to the park, and you got to see a real-live train go by. You were fascinated by it.

So much has happened this past month, I'm having a hard time remembering it all. You seem to be constantly hungry so I expect a big growth spurt soon. Your feet are growing fast so maybe you'll soon catch up to them. I think it's part of the reason you seem clumsier than before. And maybe that contributed to your unfortunate fall.

Your personality is bursting. You are funny and sweet and sometimes a humongous little bit of a brat. You're definitely all boy, with your interest in trucks and trains and dinosaurs. You're awesome, even when you are exhibiting signs of entering the terrible twos. Sometimes I'm not as patient as I'd like be but I love you through it all. Mostly because you're so incredibly, undeniably cute.

Love,

Mommy

Because ...

Dear Milo,

I'm writing to you today, not because you're X number of months old, but because I want you to know something. I want you to know the world isn't a terrible place. I know there will be times in your life (much like this summer has been) where the world seems to be filled with chaos and hate. Still, despite the acts of horror committed by mad men, despite the havoc wreaked by Mother Nature, despite unkind words spoken without thought, the world is amazing.

 
You, my beautiful son, are proof of that. The world is full of people who do good deeds and speak kind words and go out of their way to treat others with respect and love. Mother Nature produces beauty beyond measure. You are loved beyond words. I want to raise you in such a way that you will be able to find hope and beauty and love in the world no matter what. I don't want you to be a Pollyanna by any means. But I do want you to always search for that silver lining. There's nothing wrong with being a realist, but let's work really hard together to not be pessimists.

I love you. Carry that in your heart even when times are tough.

Love,
Mommy

15 months

Dear Milo,

Where the heck did this past month go? Since you've been born time seems to fly faster than ever, but the last four weeks went by in a blink.

We were far away from the recent wildfires, but we did have the smoke to deal with. You suffered a really runny nose. Which I attribute to the smoke. We kept the house closed as much as possible to try to not breathe it in, but with record high temperatures, it was hard. Our little room air conditioner worked as hard as it could just to keep us from suffering heat exhaustion.

You're pretty adaptable though. You didn't love being confined to one or two rooms in the house, but you didn't throw a fit about it. And you actually enjoyed hanging out in the AC at Grandma's.

Even though the fires were the big news in Colorado and nationwide, it wasn't a big deal to you. You were too busy playing with your trucks and trying out new words like "walk," "bump" and "go" and learning to sign "please" and "thank you." Saying, "please" and "thank you" were major accomplishments in my book. I do want you to be a polite boy.

You've had a couple of play dates with friends from The Little Gym, and I'm surprised at how different you sometimes act when you're playing one-on-one with another kid. You were a bit of a bully with one boy, even though at the gym you're either buddy-buddy with everyone or you keep to yourself. I think it's something we need to work on. I really don't want you to be a bully.

You're getting really good at feeding yourself with a spoon, especially yogurt and cottage cheese. You still make a bit of a mess but you usually get more in your mouth than you get on your head. You really want to do it yourself, and that's really cool.

In fact, pretty much everything you do is pretty cool. People who haven't seen you for a while are impressed with how well you get around and how big you've gotten. I'm impressed by you everyday. You're smart and super cute. And I'm so proud to be your mom.

I love you, Sweetness, with all my heart.

Love,
Mommy

14 months

Dear Milo,

This past month has been so busy. We traveled to see your cousin graduate from high school and we brought another of your cousins home with us for a visit. Traveling threw off your sleep schedule so you're now getting up around 5 a.m. every day. We're working on the final stages of weaning, making nap time more difficult. Plus, we've been going out doing more to entertain your 16-year-old cousin.

We got to go behind the scenes at the as yet not open to the public elephant enclosure at the zoo. I think Daddy, your cousin and I were a lot more excited about it than you were, but you enjoyed the time with all of us together.

We've gone hiking and shopping and all kinds of other activities. You mostly enjoy our outings, until you get tired of being held or told to not grab things.

You are very communicative right now. You can't always tell us what you want, but you sure try. You've picked up lots of new words, including "bubbles," "belly button" and "down" (which you also sign). You listen and follow directions -- when you're in the mood to. You surprise me constantly with the things you know.

You are becoming a creature of habit. If we do something once, you seem to think it's something we have always done -- riding in the laundry basket, pulling apart the peonies in the front yard, talking a walk first thing in the morning.

As I always say, you amaze me every day. I may get frustrated with some of the things you do, but your smile and hugs never fail to melt my heart.

I love you, little man.

Love,

Mommy