Get up, stand up

Guess who figured out how to pull himself up to a standing position. All by himself. In his crib. At 2 o'clock in the morning.

This guy.

Scooting, snoozing and schedules

Milo is thisclose to crawling. In lieu of actual crawling he has learned he can roll around to get to what he wants. He is also scooting around but mostly backwards. As I type he is rolling and scooting, trying to get to the basket of clean laundry. I don't think he's going to help put it away. We will soon have to begin baby proofing in earnest.

The other new -- old -- thing is Milo has been waking every two hours to eat. I try to follow the advice I read -- rub his back, talk to him, don't pick him up -- but he is actually hungry and settles back down after I feed him. He also doesn't like napping during the day and has to be tricked into it, either in the car or after eating. I'm just not ready to try the cry-it-out thing.

Actually, we have tried letting him cry it out. Sort of. He ends up crying so hard, he chokes himself. Or I end up in tears. So, I have to come up with something else. And soon. No one is sleeping much around here and we are starting to wear a bit thin.

Still, he's so sweet when he smiles it's hard to believe he's not getting plenty of sleep.

Even when he's trying to get into things

Reality check

Lest you all think the life of the 40-Something First Timer is all sunshine and roses, I have to tell you that the past week has been pretty hard on my little family. Milo and I have had colds. Milo got a horrible, bleeding diaper rash. To top it off, he got his vaccinations and has had a fever. So, lots of tears, dirty diapers and lack of sleep.

Milo has been pretty clingy lately anyway but since he's been sick, I can barely put him down to go to the bathroom or write a short blog post. He naps, but only while I (or Daddy) hold him. I love him so much but I really need him to start feeling better soon.

It's really hard to type one handed. Plus, it breaks my heart to see him in pain.

Milo's big day

We left Milo in the care of the folks at VillaKids last night for an entire 30 minutes! It's only the second time he hasn't been with Mommy or Daddy (the first time was with my aunt). It was the first time he's been in the care of someone not family. It was a big step for all of us. Milo was great. The VK folks said he was smiling and happy the whole time. I don't know why I ever worried he wouldn't be.

Earlier in the day, I took Milo to a free introductory class at The Little Gym -- another first for us. There was one other baby in the class -- a six-month-old boy who was actually smaller than my big boy -- and Milo was fascinated by him. The other little boy had been to the class before so he was able to show Milo the ropes, so to speak.

Milo enjoyed most of the class. He didn't like being put down on the parachute. And he didn't like the leg stretches (even though we did the exact same leg stretches at home later and he giggled his head off). The class was 45 minutes long and pretty tiring for the little guys. Both boys were asleep before Moms got them into the cars.

It was a big day for Milo. It was also a tiring day. He napped really well but didn't sleep through the night as I'd hoped. He woke at 2 a.m., seemingly hungry. But I think he just wanted a cuddle because he ate for a few minutes before dropping back off to sleep. He did the same thing at 6 a.m. Who can blame him. Change can be hard.

No turning back now

Over the weekend, I had a bit of a meltdown. Deprived of sleep and home alone for a few hours, I felt there was no way I could do this -- no way I could have a baby and raise a child. And I'm fat and my hair looks terrible and, and, and.

I know it was raging hormones and a lack of sleep. I didn't reach out to anyone because it was a Saturday morning, and who wants to talk to a blubbering pregnant lady on a sunny Saturday morning. So I wept. And I stewed. And I tried to nap. When the S.O. came home, he held me and rocked me and assured me together we would do it ... and besides, there's no turning back now. Which is what I needed to hear. I needed that reminder.

As if to reinforce that reminder, I had a dream last night in which I could see baby in my belly. He pushed his feet so hard against me that I could see them as if my skin were transparent. Seeing the perfect outline of his feet -- which were huge, by the way -- made him all the more real, even if it was just a dream.

I'm still scared, filled with my always increasing list of what-ifs, but I know that I can handle it. Sure, there will be meltdowns. There will be pain (physical and emotional). There will be fights and tantrums and sleepless nights. But there will also be a family -- a mother, a father, a son. And we will make it work.

Insomnia*

I am not naive. I know that once Baby is born, there will be plenty of sleepless nights, plenty of 2 a.m. feedings, plenty of crying and whining and fussiness (and not all of it -- or even most of it -- from Baby).

I know all that, but try convincing me of it at 2 a.m. when my hips hurt from the extra weight, my unborn child is kicking me for all he's worth, I can't get comfortable and the S.O. is snoring away like a band saw.

Is this sleeplessness just preparation for when the baby comes or is it just another symptom of my never-ending worry?

I am so grateful that I don't have a full-time job I have to get to every morning. I don't think they'd be getting much productivity out of me at the moment.

*Insomnia - inability to obtain sufficient sleep, especially when chronic; difficulty in falling or stayingasleep; sleeplessness

Week 28: A bag of flour

With approximately three months left in my pregnancy, things are starting to get really real. I have started purchasing some items. The S.O. and I have created baby registries. My friends are starting to plan a shower. I've even started my hospital checklist. And we'll attend a birth class this month.

My e-mail newsletter from Fit Pregnancy this week tells me I may start to experience Braxton Hicks contractions around this time. For those of you who don't know (like me):

Braxton Hicks contractions  are "irregular, mild tightness or cramping, usually felt in the lower abdomen, lasts a few seconds and may increase during the night and while exercising. Unlike true labor contractions, Braxton Hicks do not progress in frequency."

The information about Baby is pretty interesting:

"Your baby has doubled her weight in the past month and is the size of a bag of flour. She now weighs almost 2 1/2 pounds. Her total length is nearly fifteen inches. Your baby's lungs are now capable of breathing air! This is big news. It means if the baby is born from now on, she'll be able to survive with less medical intervention. Your baby's main job right now is to put the finishing touches on major organ systems, such as her brain, lungs, and liver. As you can probably tell, she's also working on gaining layers of fat. Her body fat is about 2 to 3 percent. Your baby's eyes, which were covered by her eyelid folds at the sixth week of development, are capable of opening this week. Her sucking and swallowing skills are improving."

But the info on my changing body is a bit redundant now as I already see or am experiencing those things without being told. "You're getting larger, and as you get larger, you become more uncomfortable. Your legs may ache or cramp, it's hard to get a good sleeping position, and the baby is big enough to give you some sharp kicks to the ribs!"

Yep. You don't need to tell me I'm getting larger. I see it. Almost daily. Everything is more difficult now. I'm still working out, but at a much, much lower intensity. Just walking up and down the stairs has me out of breath, but I know how important exercise is, so I'm keeping at it. (In fact, I recently became a Certified Fitness Trainer! That should help motivate me to get back in shape after Baby is born.)

Kickin' it

For some reason I didn't sleep well -- or much -- last night. I felt like I couldn't turn off my brain, even though the things going through my head weren't worrisome. So I don't think it was thoughts keeping me awake. I had trouble getting comfortable. My hips hurt and my nose kept running. It was probably the combination of all those keeping me awake.

I'm pretty sure Baby was awake with me, because as I lay there about 2:30 a.m., I felt a tiny little flutter in my lower abdomen. This was the first time I felt something that I'm pretty sure was Baby moving around. I would have written the flutter off as gas, but it happened twice more in exactly the same spot. And I've heard that first-time moms-to-be sometimes mistake baby's movements for gas.

I have to admit -- as much as I said I wasn't going to let things I read get to me -- that I was a little concerned over not feeling movement from Baby. So I was pretty happy to feel those little flutters, even if it was at 2:30 in the morning.

Does that mean Baby is going to be up at that time once he or she actually joins us out here in the real world? Should I start preparing for 2 a.m. feedings? Well, it seems I'm awake anyway.