Tuesday True Confessions

I have admitted before that I watch TV while breastfeeding Milo. And that is supposedly a No-No, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics.

In the February issue of "BabyTalk," there's a guide to the first 100 days of your baby's life. Once again, I'm told not to watch TV while feeding my baby.

"During those early weeks, you'll likely be feeding six to eight times a day whether by breast or bottle. Don't be tempted to fill it by streaming a season's worth of Glee or texting your BFF. Christine Wood M.D., a pediatrician and certified lactation educator from Encinitas, California, urges parents to take advantage of feeding time to bond with their babies."

The article goes on to quote a mother who says, "I realized I was the luckiest person in the family because I was the one who got to spend the most one-on-one time with him, gazing into his eyes."

Let me get this straight, the article tells me I'll feed my newborn six to eight times a day. In reality, Milo ate every two hours. So ... 12 times a day, multiplied by 20 to 45 minutes for each feeding ... doing the math ... I was supposed to spend upwards of nine hours a day "gazing into his eyes"? When his eyes were closed 90 percent of the time (at least).

Unfortunately, I don't remember where I saw this, but I have read that looking directly into your baby's eyes during those middle of the night feedings is akin to giving him a jolt of caffeine, conflicting with the above advice.

I know this is just one more way to pile on the Mommy Guilt. I'll freely admit I have a TV addiction. And yes, I worry that Milo gets too much (he points his toy remote at the TV and presses buttons). But I also know that I spend lots of time playing with him, reading to him, cuddling him and bonding with him. I think the simple act of breastfeeding is the greatest bonding act I could perform. It's kind of hard not to bond when another human is literally attached to you.

I don't watch as much TV while breastfeeding now because Milo is more attuned to it. (Buffy theme song?! Let me see!) But when he drifts off for a nap, you better believe I'm streaming reruns.

It's hard not to gaze into those eyes. But nine hours a day? Please.

Can moms ever do anything right?

While browsing through books at the library this weekend, I came across a book called "Is Breast Best?: Taking on the Breastfeeding Experts and the New High Stakes of Motherhood."

At first I thought the book might be an interesting look at the science of feeding babies. But based on my very cursory perusal, I'd have to say this book is just one more way for mothers to feel like they can't ever get it right.

Breastfeeding advocates seem try to make women who feed their babies formula (for whatever reason) feel like they're not real women. This book seems to just turn the guilt around onto women who do breastfeed. Making it seem as if I'm depriving my baby by feeding it the way women have done for ages.

Women who breastfeed are already seen as less competent. I am shy and embarrassed about breastfeeding my baby in public (even with a cover up).

Sure, the book probably says that formula is just as good as breast milk. And in this day and age, I'm sure it is -- especially with clean, healthy water supplies. And there are plenty of great reasons to choose one over the other. All of which are personal choices for a mother, and I don't question any of them.

For me, breastfeeding is convenient and cheap. No, it isn't easy and sometimes it's frustrating and exhausting as all get out. But it works for me. I realize it doesn't work for everyone. My baby doesn't like formula and has spit out any we've offered to him.

I don't think anyone needs to justify her choice to breastfeed or formula feed. As long as Baby is growing and thriving, you're doing something right. And I don't think anyone should tell anyone else her way is wrong -- or better, for that matter.

Just shut up and feed your baby.

Incompetent*

I came across this story this week: Breastfeeding Women Viewed as Less Competent. Less competent at what? you might ask. Apparently, according to this study, almost everything.

As someone who plans to breastfeed her baby, I'm shocked. So, the studies tell me my baby will be smarter if I breastfeed him but I'll appear dumber. Is there no way for a mom to win?

“A woman may not breastfeed because of worry over how she will be evaluated by other people,” the researchers conclude. “Data from the current project suggest this worry may be warranted, to the extent that breastfeeding is a devalued social category.”

I shouldn't be surprised by how judgmental we all are -- to ourselves, to each other. But it's sad that babies may not get what's nutritionally best for them not because moms have health issues or because the babies can't latch on, but simply because women are afraid -- with just cause -- of how they'll be viewed.

*Incompetent - not competent; lacking qualification or ability; incapable

Studies and judging

I came across this article recently -- Study: Breast-Feeding Improves Academic Performance, Especially for Boys. Among other things, it says:

In the latest analysis of the academic performance of children who were breast- or bottle-fed, researchers found that breast-fed babies scored higher on tests of math, reading and writing skills at 10 years old, compared with those who were bottle-fed as babies.

While I think that's great news for women who breastfed, breastfeed or plan to breastfeed, I also think it's another way to make women who didn't -- or couldn't -- breastfeed feel really damn guilty about it. It's not as if you're going to start breastfeeding your second-grader based on this study.

I have read that there's not a lot of support for women who choose to breastfeed. And although I haven't had the experience yet myself, it seems there's a lot more guilt laid on women who choose not to breastfeed -- even those who, for whatever reason, physically cannot breastfeed their babies.

I find it interesting that so many people have such strong opinions about what other people do. Sure, I'll admit I find it strange that someone will breastfeed a child that can walk and talk and has a full set of teeth. But maybe that's what works for them. And maybe that kid will end up at Harvard. Regardless , it's certainly not my place to say.

But it just goes to show how we judge. We judge women who don't breastfeed. We judge women who breastfeed "too long." We judge a woman who will have the temerity to breastfeed in public. We judge and judge and judge. And yes, I've been guilty of it at times. I think we all have. In fact, there are apparently some folks who have expressed the opinion that breastfeeding for at least six months should be the law.

I have to admit, even though I know it's the most natural thing in the world, I find breastfeeding a bit squicky. That said, I still plan to breastfeed my baby. If I can. And I'll do it in public if I have to. I'll be like the guy in "Green Eggs And Ham."

I will do what is best for me and my child. And I will try really hard not to let all the noise from the outside world interfere with my decision.